Let’s face it, try as we might, most of us get stuck across the table from a date who does not know CNN from MTV. The truth is, it’s not the fault of the girl with the bleach blonde hair and fake boobs, it’s yours! Here are five reasons you aren’t dating women with an IQ higher than their age.
5. You bathe in Aqua Velva
If you walk down the street and bugs drop dead around you, you are using too much cologne or body spray. The only women attracted by the scent of a man who just walked out of a vat of Axe body spray are the ones who have drank to much to be able to smell anything.
4. You own an industrial sized box of hair product
If you spend an hour of your evening getting your hair to look like the kids’ from Growing Up Gotti, you’re going to get the same type of girls that they do. Leave the fauxhawk at home and spend more time not looking like an ass.
3. You have the interests of a 10-year-old
Usually the problem lies in the conversations that you have with girls. If you keep rambling about how awesome NASCAR is, or are too distracted by her boobs to notice that she has been talking about how her role model is Paris Hilton, you’re setting yourself up to date a doorknob.
2. Big Boobs = Small Brains
It is one of the most basic rules of life, probably created by the ancient Greek Philosophers. Chicks who walk around with their boobs hanging out at clubs likely do not have a book club they have to attend the next day.
1. Mensa candidates don’t hang out at $1 beer ladies night
If you are tolling the bars to find a girl that won’t put you to sleep everytime that she opens her mouth then maybe you’re better off dating dumber girls to make yourself feel better. The only girl you’re going to find in a bar is one that will call you a month later and tell you to get yourself checked.