Top 3 CIA Torture Techniques Besides Waterboarding
Now that the President has shown everyone in the world what $8 Billion worth of military and interrogation research can yield, it is time we ponder where the money was best spent. Yeah, yeah, yeah – waterboarding seems to get top billing, but if the 9/11 mastermind can withstand over 200 sessions, the alternates should really get a chance in the limelight.
The goal of these ‘interrogation techniques’ is, after all, to establish a ‘baseline,’ a state in which the detainee has accepted that they have absolutely no control over basic human needs – similar to living in West Virginia or being a fat stripper. The three basic techniques are: nudity, sleep deprivation and dietary manipulation, but when combined with other particular activities, our friends at the CIA have found some of the most valuable combinations for interrogation.
1. “Dick in a Box” – (CIA terms: Hyper-spatial Excrement-induced Dehydration)
Once sleep deprivation has hit the 180-hour limit, and Richard Q. Terrorist is still not talkative – you put Dick in a box. A box large enough to support the “seated fetal position.” Now insert said terrorist with nothing on but a diaper…yes…a diaper. When he/she are hungry, they will find a little tube inserted at the top of box where liquid nourishment is provided. This liquid has all of the yummy nutrients any growing jihadist needs, except in most cases one extra ingredient is added – a diarrhetic. Ah yes, we all like the scent of our brand, but after 180 hours of uncontrollable spewing of liquid pooping in a poorly ventilated box – I imagine I might be willing to talk about almost anything.
2. “Say Hello to my Little Friend” – (CIA terms – Hyper-spatial Phobia-induced Shock)
The box seemed like a lot of fun – so let’s see how we can expand upon that. After much evaluation, we can find some things that terrify our friend Richard. Most common things, according to the CIA, are rodents, bugs and snakes. I always thought circus clowns should have been on that list as well, but I guess the logistics of sticking a naked, diapered, clown in the box with you teeters on every violation imaginable. Anyway, the other three seemed to work well enough for them. The protocol is forcing the detainee to observe the feared animal/insect from a distance, but no more than 6 feet away. The observed threat should preferably be of a poisonous nature: bees, a rattlesnake, a large hungry rat. After about 48 hours of observation and sleep deprivation, “LET’S HEAD TO THE BOX!” Keep in mind, there needs to be absolute darkness in the box. Once our detainee is in the box, insert the animal/insect – but not the same one that he/she has been looking at. Insert a non-lethal version, i.e. – large flies, a hamster or a garner snake with a well designed rattle attachment. Hijinx ensue.
3. “I Piss on You…Drip Drip Drip” – (CIA terms: Stress Positioning with Water Reinforcement)
Water has many more uses than just the waterboard. I mean, REALLY! It is not just a one-trick-pony. Let’s say you have been drinking poop-inducing shakes for days, just standing around with a blinding hood over head. In most cases, this would be relaxing, but not when you are with the top CIA interrogators. At this point, you are forced to hold an uncomfortable or straining position for up to 180 hours while they spray you with water. This is sometimes accompanied with ‘walling,’ but let’s just stick with the water for now. While in this position, being sprayed, the water will vary from balls-cold to colder-than-balls to lastly, balls-have-retreated-back-into-my-body-cold. The result is such complete muscle failure, that bodily functions cease to work naturally. As if being tired was not enough, having non-functional sphincter control seems like that last natural defense of complete humiliation.
After all of these techniques are used, the CIA is convinced that Richard Q. Terrorist will feel so endeared towards you that he will tell you anything. Favorite color, likes/dislikes, even his Facebook password. BFF.
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It's actually not all that complex. The objective is to make the subject completely subservient. He can't piss without your say-so, he can't shit without your say-so; he can't breath without your say so. The overwhelming sense of shame and obedience induces the need in the subject to please the interrogator. Effectively, you convert them into children who are so overridden with guilt they will tell their parents anything and everything.
Now, compare that to the Uzbeks that boil people's hands or the Russians that file down people's teeth, and one can see how this might just be more effective.
No one said it was supposed to be nice. There is no good and evil; only us vs. them.
"There is no good and evil; only us vs. them."
No, they're mostly evil.
Yep, just because the Uzbeks or the Russians are rumored to do something worse justifies us doing something that isn't as externally scarring. That's a great way to excuse yourself for breaking international law. Yep, us and them, let's toss off this pesky cloak of human decency and just be big scary monsters, everyone loves monsters. NOBODY would ever attack a monster, no sir, no pitchforks and suicide bomb wielding mobs are gonna come of that. You're brilliant, Karl. You should be in charge. Let me be the first to sign the petition to get you nominated for President, ya big brainy so-and-so. You're sure to fix all of the problems in the world with your ideas. History is super kind to torturers too, so you can look back on your accomplishments with pride.
And the way you back up your claims, with your intimate understanding of psychology? Oh, boy, that's the bee's knees, man! If we make a grown man sit in shit for days on end, he's going to provide valuable intelligence! Perfect! He will be reduced to a childlike state, where he needs to please his torturer, that's it! Yes, I like where you're heading with this. I know when I shit my pants I'm eager to please. If somebody forced me to do it for days on end now, I would be so grateful that I would just tell them the whole darn story, every evil plot I was cooking up. And once I was released, if that day ever came, I sure wouldn't be looking for revenge, no siree. What I would feel is gratitude. Pure, sent-from-heaven, not-murderous-in-any-way gratitude. The CIA could just turn me out on the street and I would be a fine, upstanding citizen. Seriously, what do you think they have to do with the captives after the interrogation is over? Do they have any choice but to slit their throats and dump their bodies in a ditch somewhere? Or imprison them indefinitely? I'll bet you love taxes, and the idea of your tax dollars going to support the continued surveillance or long-term imprisonment of one of these vengeful psychopaths, don't you? Then we have the costs for rehabilitating the fine folks that get to do the interrogating, but I'll bet they're just fine with it, no risk of PTSD there.
You goddamn moron.
I don't think you not know what "diarrhetic" means. it is not a noun, it is an adjective relating to diarrhea. i think the word you are thinking of a DIURETIC, which is something you can take, but not necessarily causes diarrhea- caffeine is a diuretic- makes you pee more. I think the MEANING you want is LAXATIVE. nice try tho. not.
+1 Eric.
There is no justification for torture, and it certainly doesn't achieve its purported aim of making us more secure. The "us and them" mentality is bankrupt. There are only two nations on the planet:
1. Dick
2. Not a Dick
Karl, you're a Dick.
You guys are right. Next time we catch a douchebag trying to kill Americans, lets just imprison him for a predetermined amount of time, because any other way would be wrong when capturing a person trying to kill you. Then, before that time period ends, we'll just keep asking this guy politely until he breaks. Ooh..that's get us all the intel we need!
Obama is pissing off the only government agency whose job is to gather intelligence to keep us safe. He's putting us more, and more in debt in the trillions to the Chinese – oh, the same military that's specifically designing a missile to take out AMERICAN aircraft carriers with a single shot. SO…we're basically paying for that anti-carrier missile program with our own money. Sweet!
Now I ask you, in this current day and age, under THIS administration, do YOU want to work for an agency whose Commander in Chief doesn't heed the advice of the previous 4 or 5 CIA heads? (NONE of them wanted those memos released, and all advised against it.) Because, I'm sure the what – 2 or 3 term Senator, NOW PRESIDENT is more knowledgeable and informed than all those CIA directors put together. OH…that's right, as President, Obama got a few top level intel briefings and that totally makes him qualified to say a big fuck you to the CIA.
Who fucking cares about torture methods? Without the BEST intel from the CIA, we're not going to CATCH any high level terrorist leaders to interrogate. Yeah! More sweetness.
Anyways, I'm sure all you guys have your minds made up. That's the nature of politics. So I'm not even coming back to check responses….
Good thing the majority of voters voted for 'Change'. lol Well, it sure as hell is a change isn't it?
Oh god, don't even start me on the private car company bailouts! haha I remember back in the day, when we were capitalists! :)
John: There’s a fine line between interrogation and torture, and morons like you seem to think it’s just fine and dandy to leap blissfully across it. You do realize that there have been many, many studies done showing that torture is NOT an effective and reliable means of obtaining information? Especially in time-crunch situations? Even the US military field manual explicitly states that torture is not effective or reliable.
In short: you’re an idiot, and you clearly don’t understand all the implications torture has for both the torturer and the one being tortured.
I would really like to see all you pro-torture internet advocates try to ethically justify torture on any kind of sound principle that didn’t involve the defunct “it’s us versus them” argument.
Well I guess that torturing random individuals is o.k too huh? Just because a person is from West Virginia does not demoralize their persona. I know of quite a few people from this state who have made good out of themselves. I think you need to re-evaluate your company AND your actions.
Oh, and…. by the way, I guess you torture those after their identities have been stolen and made into some shitty media format… If the person was so shitty in the first place? Why is there such a hype over them in the first place? Greedy fucks…