7 Ways to Work a Work Romance

By COED Staff August 5, 2010 3:00 pm Posted in College, Dating & Sex, Lifestyle, Sex COED Staff g+ page

Go figure: you’ve spent your entire life alone only to discover the girl of your dreams at the next desk of your new job. And beyond all probability, she likes you back. Too bad the corporate ladder consists of parallel rungs; you’ll never find an intersection as long as the rule book exists. How do you woo her despite all odds, defy the man, and live happily ever after? We’re not particular to your choice of hair-climbing-beauty-waking-dragon-slaying techniques, but here are a few tips for keeping things on the DL:

1. If you have the luxury of working opposite shifts, do so. It’s mighty hard for a boss to notice you two getting a little too close if you never have the opportunity to be seen together.

2. In that respect, avoid being seen together. Don’t show up to the meetings at the same time looking distinctly ruffled, and keep your hands off of each other in public places your co-workers are known to frequent. The next town really isn’t that far away, unless you’re from NH.

3. If you are stuck working together every and all day, be discrete. Ignore each other for the sake of keeping things professional. Pretend you’ve never seen the other naked and all will be well.

4. No matter how trustworthy the co-worker, don’t tell a soul. The second a promotion is offered, he’ll spill your beans to jump your rung. It’s a vicious world out there for romance.

5. Send her anonymous (or pseudonym signed) flowers to confuse your co-workers. They’ll see she’s obviously won the heart of another man, keeping you out of suspicions’ path.

6. If someone accuses you of something, pretend you’re gay or a priest. People really can’t argue if you insist the female body is a) disgusting or b) a temple. You might get some weird looks, but love is about sacrifices — including your reputation and chances of ever hooking up with anyone else.

7. Be careful about what you post on the internet. Someone, somewhere, is stalking your Facebook, and they will tell your boss. And then “like” your status when you change it to “is crying on the inside from being fired and dumped.”