10 Things Every Guy Should Own (But Doesn’t)

How would you like to be the guy that everyone guy wants to know and every girls wants to date? Are you nodding your head yes, but thinking, “that’s impossible, I’m just a cubicle worker who spends my day surfing NSFW websites?” Well cheer up and get excited because here are ten things that you should own if you’re aspiring to be the perfect man.

1. A Musical Instrument – An instrument can serve many purposes, from a profession down to a cure for boredom.  A guitar, trumpet, or cello could really light up your place and are guaranteed to start conversations.  Truth be told, learning an instrument takes a lot of time and patience, but don’t let that discourage you.  Think of all the time you spend sitting in front of Facebook, watching infomercials on daytime TV, and playing video games.  Take even half of that and devote it to learning guitar; you’ll be surprised how fast you can learn.  You’ll be a chick magnet in no time.


2. Fedoras – Want to reinvigorate your look for about $15?  Fedoras (gangster hats) were popular in the 40’s and 50’s, but have made a comeback as the icing on any badass.  It’s very easy to generalize this accessory to most any outfit, allowing all of those middle school t-shirts you still have to be seen in a new way.  You’ll stand out at parties from the less creative guys, who all wore striped collared shirts.  Get one at your local retail store for less than $20, and get attention with ease and style.


3. A Suit – This one’s pretty obvious.  Nonetheless, it’s something every guy needs to have.  It may be hard for you to imagine when you’ll ever need a suit, and you might think you can get by with the dress shirt, slacks, and tie look every time.  But think about all of the times you had to dress “semi-formal.”  Who was wearing a suit?  Probably the most important people there – the speakers, presenters, managers, directors, etc.  You name that high paying job, and you’ll bet they had a suit.  Most college students wonder: “how do I become one of them?”  Don’t be a lemming and start looking important.


4. At Least 3 Different Colognes – Do you like how your girl smells different each time you see her?  That’s probably because she has a chest full of perfumes.  It’s her tactic to put you in the mood, buy her stuff, and make it seem like she’s a new experience over and over again.  Turns out, you can benefit from this strategy too.  She’ll generally like any scent you wear except B.O., so go to the store and pick up some scents (if you don’t have money, body sprays like Axe and Tag work fantastically).  Although she may have upwards of 30 aromas, getting at least 3 will still make her compliment every time.


5. A Throw Blanket – These are blankets that you ‘throw’ on a chair or the end of your bed that come in many themes from your favorite football team to argyle.  Throw blankets come in handy during winter, or when you’re too tired to get over to your bed.  If you and your partner get frisky one night, a throw blanket will allow her to go to the bathroom or get up for a drink without putting her clothes back on, BA-ZING!


6. A Cheap Tool Set – By now, you can probably think of at least a dozen times when you wished you had a Phillips screwdriver or an Allen key set.  From loose parts to squeaky doors, having a tool set can solve a whole mess of everyday problems.  Buying individual tools as you need them can run up a bill pretty quickly, so plan a little and get a cheap 150 piece set that has everything you need.  You can usually find these sets at auto parts stores or bigger retailers for $30-$50.  Being cheap tools, they probably won’t last a lifetime, but they’ll get the job done.


7. Candles – Simply put, candles are mood-makers.  Harsh overhead ceiling lights are quite functional for personal use, but absolutely suck for intimacy.  The dim, flickering light and tasty aroma put off by a candle tells her that you mean business.  And by business, I mean sex.  Contrary to what you’d think, this candlelit room will prevent sleepiness by keeping you both in an energetic, feisty mood.  However, still make certain to build to this moment appropriately by first having a homemade candlelight dinner.  Wax as the aphrodisiac?  Done.


8. An Arsenal of Belts, Ties, and Necklaces – This is the cheaper alternative to buying lots of clothes.  Having a plentiful and diverse reserve of these accessories can give your simple wardrobe an attitude.  An old black V-neck paired with a shark tooth necklace suddenly speaks a new language.  Worn down jeans paired with a flashy new belt are reborn.  Two dress shirts, one and a half pairs of slacks, and five ties makes a little seem like a lot.  If you’re really in the red, don’t be afraid to go to Goodwill and load up on accessories; they’ll look just as good and no one has to know.


9. A Portfolio (a fancy notebook) – Instantly appear to be a seasoned professional with a $15-20 faux-leather portfolio.  When your interviewer sees you walk in with a suit and a portfolio, she says to herself “ooh, he’s done this before.”  Keeping that in mind, a portfolio will also boost your own confidence in yourself.  Once you stock it up with a pen, a few copies or your resume, work samples, and a notepad (most come with one), you’re guaranteed not to forget anything important for an interview.  You’ll find these at any office supply store.


10. A Spice Rack – Whether you’re scrounging around for a Wednesday night dinner or baking something for a hottie, a nice assortment of spices does magic.  Transform frozen or canned foods into unique delicacies by adding sprinkles of oregano or seasoned salt.  Cinnamon, sugar, and a little butter will turn slices of white bread into an enjoyable dessert.  On top of their abilities, spices are really cheap.  You can even find a good selection at some dollar stores.



    1. april5k says:

      um, fedoras are for nerds who wear trench coats with anime t-shirts and white sneakers. they have wispy mustaches and bad skin. no contemporary man should own a fedora.

    2. Mark Duplessis says:

      I actually have each of these

    3. GOD says:

      there isn't a woman on earth who doesn't see the fedora for what it is now: a badge of delusional self-importance for basement-dwelling retards

      before women can recognize your dudely sex appeal, you have to actually have some, and memorizing xbox 360 wikis is just not a hobby most hot people have. most hot people that aren't mentally disturbed are into hanging out with people who interest them to some degree, having sex with other hot people, and advancing in life and being awesome. from that standpoint, it should be easy to see how the average consumer of this sort of 'knowledge' doesn't exactly fit into the lifestyle of a sexually attractive person…

    4. Scott Summers says:

      re-title this "10 things every fag should own(and does)" and youve got yourself a pretty accurate list. even the pictures you chose were gay, dont write things.

    5. mikaela says:

      really? a shark tooth necklace? a fedora? Come on guys… unless you are Bear Grylls, no animal-tooth accessories, and unless you are actually a mobster, no fedora. Really unattractive.

    6. Dan says:

      At first I thought you were a clueless idiot. I've since realized you must actually be trying to get gullible losers to make themselves stand out by getting them to wear fedoras and sprinkling seasoning salt on their frozen peas. What do you have in store next for these guitar playing, suit wearing lemmings? I can see nothing less than eventual world domination.

    7. scott says:

      I can only hope that this list is some kind of April fools joke.

    8. Anonemus says:

      Fedoras are for ska kids. Ska kids eat dicks.

    9. Tess says:

      Axe or Tag as a suitable substitute for cologne? No way. All of the women I know hate the way that cheap crap smells, especially because guys don't seem to understand that bathing in it is not a requirement. So no, they do not "work fantastically".

      Cinnamon sugar and white toast for dessert? Breakfast maybe. Spices are good things to have on hand, however.

      I agree with the others that a shark tooth necklace is probably going to make you look like a tool, but there are some "no duh" things on this list like a suit and having a variety of ties and belts. But honestly, most of the things in this article are totally off base.

    10. Da Cuntstabber says:

      The only thing you got right was the musical instrument (it IS a chick magnet) but everything else is just very wrong(and ridiculous)

    11. E says:

      This is the kind of pap you'd expect to see in a silly chicks magazine, except for guys. You know, the kind that uses a woman's insecurity and lack of self confidence to tell her little tricks she should be doing to not be such a loser. Here's my list of the one thing a man doesn't need in his life: this kind of BS. Next time you're out and about in your v-neck, shiny belt, fedora and shark tooth necklace – give yourself a good slap in the face. Then tell yourself: "I don't need to follow advice from 'experts' on the internet to get women to like me, I should just build self confidence and/or accumulate wealth". Seriously, this kind of nonsense targeting men is not a good trend. Following advice like this instead of figuring it out for yourself will do nothing to increase your masculinity.

    12. bob says:

      What is this? The bucket list for douchebags?

    13. […] how many of these 10 things every guy should own but doesn’t do you have?  I got 5 out of […]

    14. ol says:

      i can only say…warren beaty. yes. fedoras CAN be sexy.

    15. […] EVERY GUY SHOULD OWN (BUT DOESN’T) 5 08 2010 put together a list of things that guys should own — but don’t. Some stuff on the list […]

    16. Diego says:

      Ok the suit is basic, but which grown man doesn't owe one? Unless you don't have any friends who get married or you are not invited to events with an enforced dress code.

      I agree about them all except the first two. Fedoras are retarded, if you do it expect to be stereotyped. And an instrument is expensive and takes too much space. I'd rather buy a home theater or a nice bookcase as reading and watching movies are also hobbies and great conversation topics.

    17. […] put together a list of things that guys should own — but don’t. Some stuff on the list seems reasonable, while other stuff seems like a waste of time and money: […]

    18. chris says:

      A fedora is really tough to pull off nicely, and some can't pull it off at all. You have to make sure you get the right crown height and brim width to suit your face shape, and the cheap ones rarely fit right and look, well, cheap. Plus, while a high quality, properly fitted and shaped fedora can look good with a suit (for a classic look), if you pair it with jeans and a t-shirt, you're going to look like a teenager or a douche-bag, guaranteed.

      I agree with most of the rest of the list, except the shark-tooth necklace thing, unless of course you want to pair it with your t-shirt and fedora to complete the douche look.

    19. Gab says:

      honestly…. from the pictures, number 3 looked like a gun and 4 looked like abs or homoerotism

    20. Tal says:

      Who are you targeting with this article? 15 year old, pimplefaced boys? Seriously, this cheap consumerism and social "cookie cutter" crap that you spout to children makes them think that going out and buying these items will win them friends and make them interesting. 10 things a man should own? How about five things a man should have: 1. Respect for others, and self respect 2. A career 3. Good friends (real friends) 4. A healthy lifestyle (good food, exercise, & good sex) 5. Goals to achieve.

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