10 Things I Learned From Reality TV

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We have all seen that poster that talks about how all you ever needed to learn you learned in kindergarten. During your early years, that is probably true. However, as an adult there is an even better medium for life lessons than that pithy little poster — reality television. The plethora of ‘reality‘ shows on television shows is full of pieces of wisdom and little lessons which we should all take to heart. After countless hours of sometimes painful research (you try watching a Tori and Dean marathon), I have compiled a list of what reality tv stands to teach us all.

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1. Greed is Good

Whether it is eating some disgusting crap on Fear Factor or Survivor or pretending to be ‘in love’ with someone there is no end to what the average person will sell their soul for. Why else would people go on Wife Swap if they weren’t getting paid?

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2. Trust No One

Whatever you say to anyone will eventually get back to someone you don’t want it to (i.e. The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Survivor, any VH1 dating show) or at least make you look like a fool on national television (the weatherman admitting to having a small package on the last Bachelorette).

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3. The Weak Shall Rule the Earth

Recent contestants on Survivor have proven that you do not need to win anything or have any actual worth around camp in order to win a cool million; all you have to do is get the rest of the losers to join together long enough to get rid of the strong people.

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4. Lewd and Crude is the Way to Be

On Survivor they stripped for munchies and then after the show for cash.  On Big Brother people sure appear to have sex (or at least the Bill Clinton version). And on VH1, some shows have so many naughty words on them that when bleeped you can’t understand the conversation. Don’t forget the schmuck of a boyfriend that Courtney Kardashian has (okay, so I like Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, it does not make me any less of a man).

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5. Big Boobs Rule (as if this needed validation)

There is no other reason for any of the Brett Michaels shows (God bless you Brett), Flavor of Love, and most VH1 shows to exist. Survivor and Big Brother always include a few big breasted beauties each season as well; there is also Paradise Hotel (the gluttonous heathens!) and Beauty and the Geek.

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6. Thou Shalt Lie

Can you really believe what anyone says anymore? Love show contestants have girlfriends, Big Brother people lie constantly about their jobs, Russell lied about being stuck in New Orleans during Katrina—the list goes on and on. My faith in humanity is stricken!

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7. Nice Guys don’t Necessarily Finish Last, but they Don’t Win all That Often Either

How on earth did Evil Dick last as long as he did on Big Brother? How did Russell not get voted out early on either? It almost seems like the bigger jackass you are the better. Then again nice is boring and does not make for good ratings.

8. Being a Host is the Best Job in the World

Reality show host — these guys do next to nothing beyond point out the obvious and get paid while doing it. You men are gods.

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9. Never Say Die

There is no such thing as a has-been anymore because there will always be at least one reality show that will want you as a contestant. I.E.  Celebrity Apprentice, Celebrity Mole, I’m a Celebrity- Get Me Out of Here, Dancing With the Stars, The Surreal Life, The Simple Life and countless people that have had their own shows.

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10. Sex Sells

I already knew this, but reality shows have reinforced it (ABC’s Are you Hot?). How often do you see ugly people sticking around to the end of the competition if they are even on the show in the first place? How many times have you seen a show trying to turn someone from a hottie to a nottie or a ugly duckling into a swan or a mordbidly obese person into a physically fit person?

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