Movies This Week: July 2nd, 2010

By Neal - Johns Hopkins July 2, 2010 9:00 am Posted in culture, Movies Neal - Johns Hopkins g+ page

Grown Ups. Reason #3,154,987 why I will never gain employment at a movie studio. The Fourth-of-July-middle school-basketball-reunion comedy starring Adam Sandler and Friends pulled in $40+ million to land it at #2 last weekend. Cruise/Diaz action-packed blockbuster “Knight & Day” came in at #3 at $20 million, which wasn’t totally a surprise according to most forecasts. Jonah Hex has totaled $9 million and averaged $576 per theater placing it just above Alice in Wonderland in 3D, which was released in April. Whoa. This week features vampires battling werewolves battling acne, directional farters, horrible spellers, married brothel owners, and great directors. Tweens in 3…2…1…

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Summit Entertainment
Since when have vampires and werewolves just straight up hated each other? I mean, this is a pretty recent development, yes? I’m thinking the Underworld franchise introduced us to this new mythological rivalry. Like, is this Hollywood’s way to get around stale formulas? Let’s pick the top 2 beasts and have them despise each other’s existence? It just seems a little out of left field. In nature, the bat and wolf rarely cross paths. And if they did, they’d both be like, WTF is that? An albino runs into sumo wrestler, they’re going to exchange glances and be on their way. Little do you know the albino LOATHES everything the sumo stands for. In this third installment of every tween girl’s wet dream, Bella (Kristen Stewart) has to choose between the love of Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Jacob’s friendship, between life and death. That, and graduation is coming up and she has a pimple! PUT ON YOUR GODDAM SHIRT, SCOOBY DOO!

The Last Airbender
Paramount
If the entire soundtrack isn’t Earth, Wind, and Fire, I’m going to be peeved. M. Night Shymalan directs and produces this adaptation of the American animated television series in which four nations – Air, Water, Earth, and Fire – try to coexist. Then, Fire gets all fired up and begins firing fire everywhere. 100 years of destruction follow… One hundred years? Really? Let’s go, Fire. You’re better than that. I’ve seen you almost take down the entire city of San Diego in like four hours. So, as Fire hot dogs across the other three nations, one lil’ dude with the power to control all four elements arrives on the scene and strives to restore peace with the help of a brother/sister team of waterbenders. At one point, the lil’ dude’s getting out-elemented and Beckham shows up and is all, “Do it like me!” which inspires lil’ dude to sign a multimillion dollar contract then f up his knee. PUT YOUR GODDAM SHIRT ON, BECKHAM!

I Hate Luv Storys
UTV Communications
Jay’s an assistant director who must work under the larger-than-life director who’s made the most famous romances in Indian Film history (he basically puts the ‘wood’ in Bollywood). He has a strange encounter of the chick kind when he meets Simran, the production designer whose personal life mirrors the sets she works on. So, there’s love on camera and off. The storylines parallel each other, then interweave, intersect, and intercourse. If you hate love stories, you’ll love, “I Hate Luv Storys.” And, if you love hate stories, rent American History X.

Love Ranch
E1 Films
A married couple opens the first ever legal brothel in the U.S. Guess which state they opened it in? That’s right. Nevada. For all the critics and pundits and skeptics who worry about the state of the union and how we’re losing our moral compass and our code of ethics is slowly deteriorating, take a good hard look at Nevada. I mean, shouldn’t that territory have crumbled to dust and blown away in the wind? Love (and legal prostitution) conquers all! Until you start cheating on each other, then heads roll and the state blow up. How is the mortality rate not at 99% there? Film stars Oscar winner Helen Mirren, Joe Pesci, Gina Gershon, Taryn Manning (8 Mile), Bryan Cranston (TV’s Breaking Bad), Elise Neal, Scout Taylor-Compton (Rob Zombie’s Halloween 1 & 2), and Bai Ling

Great Directors
Paladin
Great Directors features interviews with ten directors from around the world who each have a unique perspective on the creative process behind filmmaking. This should be required viewing for any film student. It’s a who’s who lineup that highlights such works as “Last Tango in Paris” and “Eraserhead” and takes a look at the experimental, outside the box, and extremely insightful. Great Directors will inspire you to pick up a camera and tell your story. Just don’t make a sex tape. We have enough of those already. Among the directors are Bernardo Bertolucci (The Last Emperor), David Lynch (Twin Peaks), Stephen Frears (Dangerous Liaisons), Liliana Cavani (Ripley’s Game), Todd Haynes (I’m Not There), Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, School of Rock) and John Sayles (Lone Star). The film made its U.S. debut at the Museum of Modern Art on June 22nd, a screening which I attended and met Michelle Ray Smith. Call me, Michelle!