3 Classic TV Shows Remade COED Style
Originality and Hollywood just don’t go hand in hand anymore. So many remakes are on the horizon. Freddy Kreuger is being made with the original Bad News Bear taking over the main role, the A-team is set to hit theaters June 11, there is talk of Fantasy Island being done again along with Charlie’s Angels, Hawaii Five-O, and The Rockford Files. With so many entertainment venues available to consumers it is becoming harder daily to come up with a good idea that no one has ever done. Hence, remakes are the name of the game now.
The studio heads sometimes fail to remember that fans like the old shows for what they were. Jason Voorhees never ran; that made the masked one much more ominous. Knight Rider was just plain bad. The actors in the CW’s Melrose Place and 90210 had none of the personality that the original actors had. In order to keep the studios from wasting millions more and boring us to tears we here at COED would like to give these guys a few ideas of shows we would like to see remade and how (sex sells, baby, sex sells).
Any show where the main characters walk around in school girl uniforms all day should have hot chicks in all the starring roles.
• Mrs. Garret- Shannon Tweed, a woman who is getting hotter with age.
• Snobby rich girl Blair- Heidi Montag (yes, were type casting).
• Natalie- the pilot episode will show the cast waiting for the old Natalie played by the girl from Precious to return from her stint on The Biggest Loser; the new Natalie will be played by a young Gabrielle Union.
• Jo- Megan Fox’s character from the Transformers.
• Tootie- Tiffany Pollard (from VH1’s I Love New York); she’s not exactly hot but those huge, fake breasts will look great crammed into a school girl uniform.
Instead of a private all-girls’ school this version will be set in a reformatory school for the extremely naughty and mischievous. As the girls graduate (aka get too old to pass as school girls) they will be replaced with another crop of hot young beauties. Hilarity ensues, breasts pop out – fun for the whole family.
The original pushed the limits of social boundaries back in its day, however, these days it is kind of hard to find a barrier that has not already been broken. This remake will be turned into a reality show with Angelina Jolie (as the rich white guy – Mr. Drummond) and Brad Pitt (Kimberly Drummond) adopting a new kid from a third world country every episode. In the pilot episode Jolie will alienate Hollywood by going in a drunken Mel Gibson-like rant – only in the tightest Tomb Raider outfit you can (can’t) imagine. She’s so hot the Jews simply forgive her for her anti-semetism when she’s deemed by a Rabbi as, “Far too Hot to be Ostracized by the Jewish Community”, so instead they take the whole thing out on that useless freak Slingblade.
9 to 5
In this remake instead of having a male boss sexually harassing the female employees it will be an all-female cast. Britney Spears will take over for Dolly Parton; Jessica Simpson for Jane Fonda; and Christina Aguilera for Lilly Tomlin. Kim Kardashian will play a temp, with the domineering boss that can’t stop sexually harassing the girls played by Madonna (in the Black Leather Dominatrix get up.) The famous song will be remade with all the women on vocals although Kim may have to handle the heavy lifting because the other 4 really can’t sing.Hilarity and naughtiness ensues when the three ladies kidnap their boss and tie her up. Go ahead guys; let your minds wander…