10 Female Comedians Who Are Almost as Funny as Dane Cook
Most people will tell you that female comedians aren’t funny – any of them. Even comic greats, like John Belushi and Chevy Chase said women aren’t funny. Christopher Hitchens wrote an article about it for Vanity Fair. But we don’t think women aren’t funny. We think these women aren’t funny. In fact, they’re so unfunny, they almost make Dane Cook seem like a comic genius.
When righteous indignation is done right, it can be some of the best comic material in existence. But when there aren’t any jokes to go along with the rants, it just makes you angry. Take Ms. Garofalo here…
Rita Rudner is like your mom’s half-alcoholic friend who gets drunk on red wine and starts telling jokes. And if that’s what she was, she’d probably be delightful. Instead, she’s just someone you have no chance of hooking up with, who decided to get up on stage and bore the sh*t out of everyone for 30 years.
In general, Whoopi Goldberg’s audience are middle-aged soccer moms who love Walmart, cut their hair to look like 40-year-old dudes for the rest of their lives and think it’s subversive to philosophize about the subversity of mildly racist jokes. That’s not comedy. That’s just sad.
The only thing worse than redneck comedy is sassy redneck comedy, and Brett Butler has that act down pat. Why this chick was ever given her own show, we’ll never know. Then again, Carlos Mencia had his own show, so that’s not really saying much.
You’d think looking like a cartoon character would help get the laughs, but Sandra Bernhad had to go and be pissed off about it, which pretty much ruined that hilarious opportunity. How she landed a pictorial in Playboy is beyond us. Maybe somebody thought it would be funny…
Loud, obnoxious, unfortunately rotund, Rosie O’Donnell is one of those love-her-or-hate-her kind of comedians. And by that we mean we hate her. And apparently, so does everyone else: In 2007, Rosie was voted the “Most Annoying Celebrity” by Parade magazine, which is only sad because it took 20 damn years for anyone to come out and say it.
The only thing worse than making foolish racial stereotypes is Margaret Cho making racial sterotypes, which pretty much rules out everything she’s ever said.
Known for her self-deprecating humor, Paula Poundstone is a bundle of gender-crossing sadness in a sport jacket. Unfortunately, she never realized that self-deprecating humor is all well and good, except when you don’t have any redeeming qualities to balance things out. But we have to say, that time she got drunk and took her kids for a drive was hilarious.
Between her skin-crawl voice and embarrassingly bad act, we can’t decide what we hate most about Judy Tenuta. For some reason, nobody bothered to tell her that using the most annoying instrument on Earth makes people hate you – or at best makes you look like you have too many cats.
We almost feel sorry for Kathy Griffin. But then she starts screeching, making fun of celebrities you know she’d give her left t*t to be, and all that empathy goes out the window faster than her agent’s business card. In fact, she’s just all-around so unbearable, it almost makes you wish you were watching Dane Cook…