5 Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender
Nearly all of us have been here. Maybe you had one too many, or possibly one of your buddies thinks he might be better at bartending than the guy who’s actually being paid to do it. Maybe you begin to spill all sorts of awful stories, terrifying the customers while shocking the employees, or breaking off a ten minute long rant about some hot button issue that’s bound to offend someone. Either way, there’s more than a couple ways to ensure you’ll be tossed out into the street before the night is over.
Ask for a refund. So you went to an upscale craft beer bar and didn’t like the latest Belgian Grand Cru sour? Next time think before you order and you’ll probably be able to avoid problems like this. Just because something doesn’t strike your taste buds’ fancy, doesn’t mean the bartender should be footing the bill on account of your mistake.
Go behind the bar. Long wait? Getting impatient? Probably the easiest way to get tossed and possibly even punched in the mouth is by touching the bartender’s gear or invading their personal space. Just because you’re skilled at operating a Heineken mini keg doesn’t mean you should be running the taps. If you aren’t prepared to wait a few minutes for a beer, you’re probably better off staying home.
Become belligerent about something trivial. Nobody likes a ranting drunk babbling in their ear, especially while trying to work and serve customers. Becoming so frantic over a baseball score that you’re almost in tears, or screaming at your girlfriend like an idiot isn’t only embarrassing, but easily grounds for ejection. Put the drink down, take a deep breath, and try not to act like a complete fool.
Steal something. We all know how awesome the beer glasses at your local Belgian ale house are, but its risky business trying to take home a souvenir. Even worse, don’t get caught trying to take something stupid, like a wall decoration you could easily buy for about five bucks. Thieving from the bar never goes over well, and drunken people are bound to get busted pulling something like this.
Offer advice on how to better perform the job. Pointing out who you think should be served next, or accusing the bartender of watering down the alcohol is about as insulting as it gets. Push your girlfriend to the front of the line, and then become enraged over the four minutes it takes to get a drink. You’ll be outside in the street before you can say “booze.”