Movies This Week: May 7, 2010

By Neal - Johns Hopkins May 7, 2010 9:00 am Posted in culture, Movies Neal - Johns Hopkins g+ page

Daydream on Palm Street starring Rorschach took the top spot at last weekend’s frame while Brendan Fraser’s Hairy Revenge saw a stampede of other releases crush his CGI famcom. This weekend’s new entries include the year’s top-grossing film (called it!), and a whole mess of babies and straight cash, homey. Here’s the rundown unfortunately not starring The Rock…

Iron Man 2

I have absolutely no idea what this movie is about nor have I seen any kind of marketing or advertising effort to increase awareness of its release. No promo spots, trailers, or commercials. Nothing. Not one. I had to do some serious digging just to find out this is a SEQUEL?! When did the first dud come out? Is this based on some sort of book or journal? Who the hell is Roberto Downee Sr.? Mikey Roarke? Gwendylyn Paltrough? Bunch of no-names. This turd is going to tank and tank hard. And I’m not talking about War Machine. You’ll get whiplash from how bad this flick will be. Maroon Johannesburg? That’s your sexpot? I’d rather watch the Golden Girls jello wrestle. Scroll down to the last post to understand where I’m coming from on this. (Guys, I’m f’n pumped).

Babies
I can’t imagine a more perfect double dip matinee than “Iron Man 2″ followed by “Babies.” This incredibly offensive and disgusting documentary from Focus Features follows four babies in four different locations over the course of one year. I have a friend who is obsessed with babies. I’m convinced she’ll call me from jail asking for ail after her attempted nursery heist. This could actually be a clutch date movie because the babies get your chick all buttered up and emotional then you show her your baby’s arm holding an apple and blammo, babies of your own. Just when I tense up about being a dad, I take a look at Antonio Cromartie or Travis Henry and I think, “Oh, no sweat!”

Badmaash Company
“Four friends. One dream. Quick money.” “They did it all the wrong things… the right way.” Those are just two of the taglines shown on the official website. Uh, so, I’m going out on a limb and guessing that they film and distribute amateur porn? Set in 1990s Bombay, four youngsters get into the business of imports because homegrown Indian products just don’t cut it in Calcutta, they’re not the bomb in Bombay and Hindus Hindon’t like them. Wow. It’s classified as a drama, but every still I’ve seen has the actors wearing big, goofy smiles. The synopsis is so vague, there must be a ridiculous twist. There are more clues about the series finale of Lost then there are about how the eff these kids get rich, but apparently they beat the system. Yeah, the studio system, why is this a movie? Oh, and the actor turned director wrote this bad boy in six days. FML.

Casino Jack and the United States of Money Movie Poster

Casino Jack and the United States of Money
This “docudrama” from Magnolia Pictures stars Kevin Spacey as Jack Abramoff, a well-respected, upstanding individual who got a bad rap. Actually, no, Jack pretty much traded everything under the sun for political favors and is currently serving a healthy sentence in prison. SNL alum Jon Lovitz also plays a role in this scathing look at scandalous affairs on Capitol Hill. I’m really hoping Lovitz plays one of the committee members tasked with grilling Abramoff and Abramoff’s defense is, “ACTING!” Pardon me while I take my seat in my ivory tower, but haven’t people seen enough movies about corruption to know it never ends well? My guess is it’s like an addictive drug, and much like peeing without proper PC muscle control, you can’t stop once you start. I feel like this happens everywhere, but one or two guys a year have to take the fall so it can continue without public panic. I mean, I have an unreal amount of dirt on COED Magazine editors but you don’t see my driving a Porsche because I keep my mouth shut. It’s a Lambo, my man. Lambo.

Mother and Child

Sony Classics ensemble drama follows three women who’ve been affected by adoption in one way or another. Annette Bening plays Karen, a woman who gave up her child at 14. Jimmy Smits plays her “attentive” co-worker (translation: they’re boning). Lucy (Kerry Washington) traverses the somewhat twisted path of adopting a baby, and Naomi Watts plays Elizabeth, a lawyer who was an adopted child that becomes romantically linked with her superior, Samuel L. Jackson. I’m sorry, what? What in the eff is SLJ doing in this female-skewing flick? I could see if it was called “Bad Motherf*cker and Child, Please” but this? I simply can’t adopt that mindset. ZING!

Multiple Sarcasms

This “richly textured” drama from Multiple Avenue Releasing follows an unhappy architect who takes the path less traversed (no, not adoption), by writing a play that mostly revolves around his sorry state of life. While some grow discontent with his progress and revelations (wife, coworkers), others provide the support he needs to succeed. (daughter, lit agent). Like a figurative Wonderbra that can talk and make you an awesome sandwich. Film stars Timothy Hutton as protagonist Gabriel, and Mira Sorvino, Stockard Channing, Dana Delany, and Mario Van Peebles.