How To Cover Up The Smell of Smoking Weed

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Many of us certainly enjoy flaunting our love for Mother Nature’s gift to us all, but when nearby bystanders become angry with (or most likely jealous of) your display of affection, there’s a couple of techniques that can help you mask Miss Mary’s pungent manifestation.

People are always wary of the smell of good herb in the air.  Some may be pleased by it, while others may psychotically attempt to rip you a new asshole for getting baked and blowing the magic puffs too close to them.  Now don’t get me wrong here.  My attitude towards MJ is absolutely one of an advocate for the cause.  I would frankly rather love smoking pot out in public and stickin’ it to the man than resorting to undergoing the act in secrecy, however, a couple of soldiers of nature against an entire army of conservative families may prove to be an impossible challenge and require a different approach.

Foremost, find a spot that is considerably partitioned off from the eyes of prowling douche-bags who still think of pot as it was portrayed in ‘Reefer Madness’ and that has the least possibility of attracting any more people.

'Reefer Madness': an anti-marijuana film from 1936.

Indoor settings, if you are privileged enough to be living in a home where nobody cares if the ganja is billowing around them, are the perfect places to keep the misunderstood plant’s existence a secret and away from the premature judgments of ignorant minds.  If you’re left with having to smoke outdoors, find a patch of forest that will cover up the sight of the smoke and most likely its odor too…  Wait what?  There aren’t any forests by you?  Oh, that’s right!  Industrial America screwed that up years ago and haven’t lost sight of their destructive path.  How refreshing!  Guess you’ll have to settle for some bushes to hide you and your weed posse then.

One of my favorites while on a road-trip, hot-boxing the car is possibly the most exhilarating way of smoking.  In turn, it is also one of the riskiest techniques of blazing since you’re in a car on a road where there are plenty of other cars that pass by every so often.  If you are certain that you’re safe to blaze in the car, please go right ahead.  Other than that… newbs should stay away as amateur hot-boxing while on the road to a cop is like blood in the water to a shark.  Know your surroundings and don’t light the bowl if you see any pigs on the road.

Now, if there are absolutely no places to safely smoke in privacy outdoors and you live with people who do mind your habits, just give up now… NOT!  Never give up!  Just think more creatively.  Where do people usually go indoors when they must do something that makes a distinct odor?… CORRECT!  Your little sister’s room!  (Just kidding, unless you really are that much of a jerk to your kid siblings, then I’m sure you wouldn’t care if you did it in there anyway) …  The bathroom?  GOOD ANSWER!  The bathroom provides a place where you can essentially do your business (whatever that may be) undisturbed.  Note: Works best in a bathroom with a window and/or a blower fan.  For bathrooms with a window, the window does not need to be opened until after the session is completed.  Ultimately your preference.  WARNING: Bathrooms without a window or a blower fan are at extreme risk of trapping the smoke and rendering it inescapable.

There are a few key items you need to bring with you into the lavatory:

 

Marijuana (Duh!)

Lighter (Uh-durr!)

Towels (To seal the slit under the door)

Smoking Instrument (Bong it up, son!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Optional equipment for extra secrecy:

Empty toilet paper roll (wtf?)

Fabric Softener Sheets (wtf?!?!!11)

Febreze (Mmm that smells nice.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The optional equipment is just in case you definitely cannot risk the delightful, natural aroma of marijuana leaking out into any other room.  To me, the method involving the empty toilet paper roll and fabric softener sheets was completely new and definitely sparked a ‘WTF?!’ in my head.  All you do is stuff the toilet paper roll with one or two fabric softener sheets and blow the smoke out through it.  Now it just smells like laundry!

If all else fails and these methods are not efficient in your particular case, GHOST YOUR HIT!  In other words, hold it in AS LONG AS YOU CAN.  If no smoke comes out of your mouth as you breathe out, you have successfully ‘ghost-ed’ your hit and if there’s no smoke… no smell!  This final technique works flawlessly out- or indoors, that is, only if you have the ability to do so.  Take it as a challenge… I dare you!  The longer you hold it in, the higher you get, right?  So, what are the cons of this challenge?  Nothing!  Once you master this method, you’ll be able to smoke anywhere in peace.

As a fellow rebel to the federal law deeming this herb as an illicit substance, I wish you good luck with your battles of fighting for a miraculous resource in disguise.

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