The Five Types of People Who Play First Person Shooter Video Games

By Edit Posted in Culture, Entertainment, Stuff, Video Games

For those who don’t know, FPS stands for “First Person Shooter” and for those who do know, then you need to stop playing xBOX and/or Playstation and go outside. For over 40 years, video game companies have tried to make their game as realistic as possible and have gone off in different formats since starting out as two lines smacking a square across a TV. Thanks to the power of technology and Asians, we can now not only play the usual game, but also other people from all over the world.

This was Bioshock, Halo, and Modern Warfare rolled into one.

XBOX Live has millions of people registered from over the world waiting to kill you in a variety of games and have no problem with yelling about how they “Pwned” you over their headset. You now have the ability to own some 13-year-old German kid in Halo with the gravity hammer and it’s all because of the greater minds at Xbox and Playstation.

I, along with millions of others, have encountered many of these annoying sons of bitches and have condensed every Xbox live player into five general groups. Not only have I been able to find the five types of players that you come across everyday, but also what they probably look like on the other side of that screen.

1: The Camper.

The Camper. Oh God, the mother-bleeping camper. This person is everyone’s worst nightmare to go against as they are near impossible to kill because of the fact that they are either perched on top of the highest point of every map in Modern Warfare or hidden in the corner of a room waiting for dumbasses like you to run through without checking every side. The only time they move is at the beginning of the game when they sprint to their spot and set up a tent there for the next ten minutes.

These players are the worst and it’s the greatest ecstasy in the video gaming world to take out one of these douchebags. They always give you a reason to stay on your toes and there’s no doubt that the nine other people you are playing against would rather join you and take out this guy before taking out each other.

Well, this would be more along the lines of what you look like when playing against one…and if you’re a woman.

2: The Cancer.

Say you’re playing a team death match on Modern Warfare 2. You’re only a few kills away from winning and you’ve all spawned in the same spot and all of a sudden a grenade is launched right in the middle of your team taking out everyone and killing any chance of a win. It’s impossible for the other team to find you that fast and sure enough in the lower left corner where you can see who killed you, it’s your teammate and he does this for a living.

When the cancer is not bringing your teams score down with a 5 kill-20 death ratio, he is just straight up killing your team. He’ll get excited when he sees a player and just throw a random grenade even though it’s his own teammate. When spawned next to his own partner, he’ll wildly shoot thinking he got the upper hand because the game glitches and he was able to appear next to an enemy.

I swear it looked like your name was in red.

3: The Veteran

Notice how once in a while there will be a player that somehow kicks your ass in every conceivable way? They’ll rack up 30 kills, while dying only three times in five minutes maximum and have been on tenth prestige longer than you’ve had the game. They are the veteran and they are way too good at this.

In fact, nobody should be this good because it means that sunlight and the opposite sex was ruled out of your top priorities ages ago. They might seem bad ass in the game because they could kill you with any weapon at any moment from any distance, but in the real world they look something like this:

Eats and breathes video games, but eats more than anything else.

4: The General.

Patton, McArthur, Washington, and Pothead4evaxxx. You’ve probably heard of the first three and know that they are all very well-known generals of the United States. The last one, not so much because they are the Xbox general and they are just as annoying as the camper. They’ll attempt to lead your team into their modern day Normandy and most likely ruin your entire video game experience because they are attempting to take charge of seven 12 year olds via a headset.

The occasional inspirational speech could be heard at times as well as a few “follow me’s” and if you’re lucky a “tonight we dine in hell”. Always fun to make fun of, but a real bitch when your team is well out of reach because his version of guerilla warfare didn’t work out all too well.

Trust me guys, I was in Grenada for Christ sakes.

5: The Complainer.

Easily the most hilarious of any player in an FPS, the complainer does exactly what moniker says: complains. They’ll bitch and moan about how everyone cheats and camps, (even though they aren’t), and how everyone has some sort of “perk” (that guy must have the invisibility perk on!), and how his gun doesn’t work (there must be some sort of delay with my gun because it doesn’t fire when I hit the button!).

The complainer usually sucks and is a punching bag in the video gaming world mostly because he’s an easy target and that every kill brings new a reason about how he unfairly was killed. They’ll blame the weapon, the map, the opposing players, and even the game itself, but for this guy to blame himself is a stretch. The complainer will always complain until things will eventually go his way.

This man is a legend, but you can get the general idea of the appearance.

Video games have brought people together from all over the world and have changed everyone as well as we have seen. Make sure to be on the lookout for these players, they won’t be too hard to spot. Happy gaming, nerds.

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