Has PBR lost its charm? Are you sick of ordering Miller Lite, just because it’s on special for $2 a bottle? Have you sworn off Irish car bombs, Jager bombs and every other kind of bomb imaginable? Then you, my friend, might finally be graduating from your college drinking phase. Congratulations! To help you celebrate, here’s a list of 10 grown-up drinks you should order tonight:
10.) Black Box Wine. Contrary to popular belief, boxed wine isn’t the ghetto cousin of bottled wine. At least, not all boxed wine. Before heading out, consider pregaming with Black Box. For less than $25, you get the equivalent to four bottles of wine, and the stuff has won more than 20 awards for its taste and quality. Plus, because it’s kept in a vacuum-sealed bag, it will stay good for a month after you open it — sans refrigeration. It’s classy enough for a Suburban Housewife, but manly enough to not be embarrassed about drinking. Suh-weet!
9.) Maker’s Mark Manhattan. Is there anything more delicious than bourbon? HELL NO! It’s also pretty effing classy, if you’re into that sort of thing. Ask for it sweet and on the rocks, unless you want to look like a pretty, pretty, princess while delicately sipping at the edge of a martini glass. Still think it’s too girly? Then consider this: Manhattans are notoriously popular with the Italian mafia. Who’s the cherry gobbling pansy now, buddy?
8.) Ramos Gin Fizz. Quite possibly the greatest invention of 1888, the Ramos Gin Fizz is more than just tasty: it’s an important part of Louisiana culture. Former governor Huey Long was such a fan, in 1935 he brought his favorite bartender with him on a trip to the New Yorker Hotel in NYC, just so the guy could teach the hotel staff how to properly make the drink. Apparently, good help was hard to find back then, too.
7.) Karma Champagne. Sometimes, you’ve just got to have a little bubbly. With Karma, you can buy individual serving-sized bottles, so you don’t have to break the bank to party like you’re trying out for Celebrity Rehab 4. Worried you’ll look like a foppish dandy with a champagne glass in hand? Fret not: you drink it right out of the screw-top bottle.
6.) Tom Collins. Ever since The Great Tom Collins Hoax of 1874 (I swear I’m not making this up), men across America have loved them some T.C. Identified as “a favorite drink, in demand everywhere” in the 1878 edition of The Modern Bartender’s Guide, the beverage has remained popular. I mean, Robert De Niro drank it in Meet the Parents, and he was playing a former CIA operative!
5.) Hole in One. What do you get when you mix Johnnie Walker Red Label, honey, unsweetened tea and a lemon wedge? A little piece of heaven, one sip at a time. If you’re really looking for an experience you’ll never forget, order one here.
4.) Voodoo Tiki Prickly Pear Margarita. Do you even know what prickly pear smells like, you neanderthal? It’s time to pick your knuckles up off of the ground and give this beverage a try — it tastes like an orgasm feels, and I’m not even kidding. Order a pitcher of the stuff to share with a lady friend, and she’ll be handing you her panties under the table in 15 minutes or less. . . believe me, I l know – And Comicboy169 if you’re reading this, that was a dirty trick, and I want those back they’re my 2nd favorite pair!
3.) Rusty Nail. Little known fact: Drambuie is Gaelic for “the drink that pleases,” so you know you can’t really go wrong with a Rusty Nail. One part Drambuie, two parts whiskey and three parts awesome, this is a drink that you’ll love until the day you die.
2.) Godfather. Amaretto? Check. Scotch? Check. Do you need anything else? Nope.
1.) Vesper Martini. If it’s good enough to be James Bond’s signature drink, it’s sure as hell good enough for you!