Flying Solo with Sex Robots: Five Gifts to Buy Yourself this Valentine’s Day

5 Cheap & Easy Valentines Gift Ideas5 Cheap & Easy Valentines Gift Ideas
Saint Valentine Was Grusomely Beheaded. Happy Valentine's Day!Saint Valentine Was Grusomely Beheaded. Happy Valentine's Day!

Sure you’re broke friends are having sex with actual “real” women right now, but their pockets are empty while in 2 minutes they’ll be done (and that’s being gracious) and you’ll still have a “wad” (pun intended) of cash.  Here’s are five ideas to blow your  . . .never mind.  Too graphic.  here’s five ways to “Spend yer dough”

5) Chill Pill Audio Speakers

Small Dog Electronics says, “Amplify Your Life!”  These self-powered mini speakers produce big sound and work directly with iPhones without any adapters.  They charge via USB, a very cool feature, no extra power cables or plugs required. Retract back shielded cables keep the design and your desk clean, and static to a minimum.  Take them  traveling, camping, or kicking it on the back porch. Listening to music in the office or at school. Sharing audiobooks or podcasts. Providing music or narration for Keynote, PowerPoint, and other presentations.  The Chill Pill is enclosed in a rugged, matte-black case that protects the speakers, batteries and retractable cables.. Speakers magnetically click together for easy transport. When stowed in travel mode, the Chill Pill is only 2″ x 4″. Perfect for desks with limited space. Small enough to bring anywhere! Buy them here.

4) Grenen® Stainless Steel Mesh Watch – Charcoal
If you like to have a good time, you need a good watch.  For $50 bucks this stainless steel mesh watch by Grenen is a lot of sex on your wrist, which makes it the perfect “Flying Solo” valentine’s day gift.  A charcoal sunray dial with silver-tone indexes and date display complete the look.  The Mesh strap is the real eye catcher and can be adjusted to provide a custom fit, and best of all it’s water – and all other liquids – resistant.  Treat yourself at Kohl’s or at the Kohl’s Website Here.

3) Homedics Massage Products

It’s certainly no Sex Robot, but for $149 Homedics Extended Track Shiatsu Massaging Cushion offers a full massage that reaches all the way up to your shoulders (but no happy ending unless you consider the electric bill happy.) There’s even an extra vibration massage option should yo take it to work a find the sexy temp is a nymphomaniac exhibitionist – hey a guy can dream.  Also features, Quick heat (For a more relaxing massage), Spot Shiatsu (holds the massage action just where you need it), a built-in carry bag for easy storage and portability, and Programmable control with 6 programs. Check out the full line of Homedics products here including their neck and foot massage items.

2) Shred Sled

The simple fact is that skateboarding is simply not dangerous enough.  If you want to be in a horrific accident worthy of Steve Austin and 6 million bucks worth of bionic replacements you’re going to need a bit more  “Oomph” than something 70 years old can deliver (Granny porn aside.)  That’s where the Shred Sled comes in! This thing is awesome!  The most fun you can have with your clothes on at under 30 MPH.  Anything you can do on a skateboard you can do better on a shred sled.  Don;t take my word for it Try it. Here’s a whole list of places that sell them.  You can also order it from Amazon here

1) Roxxxy the Sex Robot

This seems like a flashback to Lars and the Real Girl, but bear with me:  First there was the blow-up doll- pretty much a hyped up air mattress with three glory holes for any man’s pleasure.  Then there was the Real Doll sex doll- sort of feels like real skin, and they are eerily lifelike- somewhat impressive.  But all of that is nothing compared to the this…TrueCompanion recently introduced Roxxxy TrueCompanion, the world’s first sex robot (yes you read that correctly, a sex robot).

Roxxxy on a date with her man
Roxxxy responds to both voice and physical stimulation (she can have a conversation with you and have an orgasm) and through routine interaction she’s able to learn your likes and dislikes, eventually becoming your ideal companion.  She comes preloaded with five separate girlfriend personalities (one to fit every man’s desire: Wild Wendy, Frigid Farrah, Mature Martha, S&M Susan and Young), but you can program new ones with the touch of a button.  You can even share your girlfriend personalities with friends on the TrueCompanion website (something I like to call sex robot swinging).
If you have an extra $7,000 laying around, then you’ll be able to experience Roxxxy in all her sex robot glory.  If you don’t have the cash, you can go out and try to get yourself a real girlfriend but: 1-she probably won’t put out on the first date.  2-she’ll probably end up costing you more than $7,000 when all is said and done, leaving you penniless and heartbroken after she dumps you.
So what does this all mean for today’s dating scene.  Well it pretty much doesn’t change a damn thing.  This just give you a greater opportunity to cheat on your girl with an inanimate object and pleasure yourself with something other than your hand when you’re single.  For those of you who are into the whole sex doll thing (we know that you’re out there) and prefer them over real girls, then this gives you a chance to actually tell your doll “I love you” and have her say it back instead of just staring past you into oblivion.
It’s 2010 and the future of artificial intelligence is officially upon us; I, Robot is one step closer to being a reality and it’s starting with sex robots.
Comments
The Backyard: Best Of The Web