These days, everyone is trying to save as much money as possible for fear of everything going to sh*t (again). And while we’re all for getting a good deal, there are some things you shouldn’t buy if you can only afford to go with the bottom of the barrel. Not that you should pay more for something when you could pay less, but that going with the cheapest option is worse than doing nothing at all. Here are 7 Things You Should Never Go Cheap On.
1. Hair Replacement
In the past 20 years, hair replacement technology has come a long way. But if you want to get the latest technological advancements (you do), you’re going to have to cough up a bit more dough to keep yourself from permanently looking like you just got teabagged by a llama. Not only that, but inexperienced hair replacement surgeons can completely f**k up your hair line, which in turn makes your face look different and weird. And that’s not at all what you want, now is it?
2. Boob Job
While we’re all for ladies boosting up their bra size, the difference between a bad boob job and a good boob job are night and day. (Just ask Tara Reid.) The best boob jobs don’t look like boob jobs, they look like boobs. But to get this, you have to lay down some serious cash for a top-rated plastic surgeon. Sure, you can get a set of tits for $2,000, but you’re going to end up look like a you jammed a pair of tennis balls under your skin and called it a day. So if that’s all you have in your boob budget, it’s best to keep saving for a quality set of sweater kittens.
Nobody likes going to the dentist, so the though of having to pay even more money to have someone make you drool for an hour while they jam a drill in your mouth can make anyone cringe. So it’s understandable to want to spend as little on this as possible. This can be done by going to a dental college, and having senior students work on your teeth for a fraction of the price. If you’re going for a simple cleaning, fine. But for anything that involves taking out chunks of your teeth, it’s best to see a professional.
This one probably needs no explanation. But since we’re here, why not? If you don’t already know that a $5 blowjob is a bad idea, then you probably deserve what’s coming to you (hint: it’s herpes). We know, we know – sometimes you’ve just got to get your rocks off, and the hand just isn’t cutting it. But to avoid some of the health risks, as well as ensuring that you’re hooking up with an actually woman, who’s actually attractive, then you’re going to have to throw down some bigger bills. Believe us, you’ll feel a hell of a lot better about yourself in the morning if you do.
5. Car Insurance
This one is tough, since you are required by law to have insurance. So if the minimum coverage is all you can afford, then you’ll just have to go with that. But just because you have something doesn’t mean you’re actually covered if something bad happens. First, your deductible will be extra high with a cheap plan, so if you have to get something fixed, it’ll cost you big time. And that’s just the beginning of the suckitude. So, if it simply means cutting into your monthly beer budget, you will be well served to upgrade a couple of slots to a better plan.
P.S. This goes for rental car insurance as well. There’s no sense in getting stuck with a huge bill for driving a car you don’t even own.
6. DUI Attorney
Getting busted for a DUI can literally ruin your life. That is, it can ruin your life… unless you have a kick ass DUI attorney! Armed with this legal powerhouse, you’ll be getting off a hell of a lot easier than the guy with some shmuck from the Yellow Pages. Expect to pay about $8-10,000 for a good DUI attorney. But for that money, you’ll still be able to get to work or take your girlfriend on a date without having to even look at a bicycle.
Tattoos are many things to many people. But for everyone, they are a mark that will be there forever. So think of getting a tattoo as a long-term investment. Instead of having some half-assed tattooist slap some bullsh*t Chinese characters out of his clipart book on your arm for $50, take some time to find an artist who can create a piece just for you, something that matches the style you’re really wanting. That way, when it’s still there at age 73, your thoughts won’t be, “Man, I was a dumbass.”
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