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Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart

Fast-Food

Man, do we love fast food. It’s cheap, it’s delicious and it satisfies every self-hating cell in your body with highly processed, corporately created concoctions that any man, woman or child can enjoy. But if you’re anything like me, such easily acquired satisfaction comes at a cost… in the form of nearly crapping your pants. Here are the Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart.

mcgriddle

5. McDonald’s

For whatever reason, McDonald’s is one of those “food products” you know you shouldn’t eat, but some days, it sounds like the most delicious thing in the world. So you go for it. And within an hour of finishing your Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, that’s when you remember why it’s a guilty pleasure – because the whole value meal is about to come rocketing out of your ass faster than you can say “Super size.” You’d think that eating Happy Meals since early childhood would build up a tolerance in your stomach to the wads of grease, salt and sugar McDonald’s tries to pass off as food, but you’d be wrong.

Worst meal: McGriddle with hashbrowns and coffee

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white_castle

4. White Castle

Unlike McDonald’s, which can seem like a wise lunch choice (at least before you eat it), White Castle is one of those foods that you only eat when you’re feeling particularly masochistic – or drunk, high, hung over or all of the above. And since their hamburgers are the size of a Little Debbie snack, you inevitably end up eating about 15 more than you planned on consuming in the first place. And before you know it, you’re laying in the middle of the parking lot in the fetal position, wondering what the hell you were thinking. So before you chip in for your next Crave Case, remember: they’re called “Slyders” for a reason…

Worst meal: Jalapeño cheeseburger Crave Case with onion rings

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LJS

3. Long John Silver’s

Just thinking about fast food fish products makes me feel a little queezy. So when that’s the only thing a restaurant offers, it doesn’t exactly instill confidence. Add a heaping helping of fried batter and hush puppies, and that pretty much guarantees a serious disturbance in the force shall haunt your future. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the food – all I’m saying is that there are reasons fish is best served fresh, and it has specifically to do with your intestines.

Worst meal: Anything

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2. Taco Bell

The first indication that a food might cause you some digestion issues is that it looks pretty much the same going in as it does coming out. And all you have to do is take one look at Taco Bell’s ground beef to know what’s in store for your intestines in the not-too-distant future. It’s a shame, because Taco Bell has to be one of the absolute best drunk foods, ever. But when something’s as delicious as a Chalupa, you know there’s going to be a fiery hell to pay.

Worst meal: Volcano burrito

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popeyes

1. Popeyes Chicken

Maybe this is a bit of an over-share, but I cannot even get through an entire meal of Popeyes chicken before having to make a serious emergency run to the bathroom. Seriously. And it’s a damn shame, because all I want to do is enjoy the deliciously greasy chicken in peace. But something inside me just won’t let that happen. And I know I’m not alone – whenever we have Popeyes day at the COED office, there aren’t enough bathrooms to handle the ghastly result of a family pack of chicken and sides. But you know what? It’s totally, totally worth it.

Worst meal: Chicken dinner with red beans and rice

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    Comments

    Comments

    1. […] Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart [COED] Tagged: billboards, dirty old men, fast food, how to protest, manliest names ever, Megan Fox, […]

    2. oneof79 says:

      You guys are pussies.

    3. […] Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart […]

    4. Sarmondia says:

      Laughed pretty hard at the Taco Bell one, nothing that bad ever happens to mean, but I think I might get he basis of what you mean. And I love Popeye's… it is so good… gives me a terrible stomach cramp later though.

    5. Lunchbox says:

      oneof79 hit the nail on the head. Your little wussy systems can't handle POPEYE'S? It is friggin' CHICKEN!! What are you – a bunch of Amish people that have never eaten fast food or are you a bunch of tree-hugging, hairly armpitted women? You mention that these places are good when you are drunk… on what? Your little prissy wine coolers that you drank 2 of and ralphed down the front of your shirts?

      Grow a set, will ya please?

    6. […] acquired satisfaction comes at a cost… in the form of nearly crapping your pants. Here are the Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart. No TweetBacks yet. (Be the first to Tweet this post) Similar Posts:Top 10 Fast Food Chains In […]

    7. […] filed in General on Aug.03, 2009 Man, do we love fast food. It’s cheap, it’s delicious and it satisfies every self-hating cell in your body with highly processed, corporately created concoctions that any man, woman or child can enjoy. But if you’re anything like me, such easily acquired satisfaction comes at a cost… in the form of nearly crapping your pants. Here are the Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart. […]

    8. Creator says:

      Got food poisoning from Taco Hell once. If you think not loving that is being a pussy, then you are an unholy indestructible demon.

    9. patricia says:

      i love it all. is there times i don't feel well after? of course!! do i order again?? of course i do. don't you??

    10. phil says:

      It takes the better part of a day for a meal to affect your lower GI tract. So, if you get the trots an hour after enjoying McDonald's, it most likely was from something you ate the day before. The meal you just finished will merely extend your misery for an extra day. Serves you right.

    11. Charlotte says:

      No, seriously, you guys are pussies. I can eat any of these without problem, and I could probably also out-drink you.

      Maybe you just over-eat. Piggies. Piggy-pussies. :|

    12. Jennifer says:

      um, i don't eat fast food becuz it's disgusting to eat! And looking at these pictures is so yucky!! Maybe thats why so many people are unhealthy in general, you know, heart attacks, high cholesteral, food poisoning, overweight,etc…maybe people should learn to just eat at home! make a sandwich or something-no butter of course (thats gross!) For the time it takes to cook ,you'll feel so much better afterwards…people today are so damn lazy!! you couldn't pay me to eat at any of these places!!!

    13. Natasha says:

      Jennifer,u r so right!Im from Russia and when first time came in States especial.on Walmart i was mentally killed-i never in all my life/i was35yr./ been seen so many and so mach overweight people!Before i went in Germany,Swiss,Italy,BulgariaI think bcuz other counries get healthy kitshen where fast food not included as regular food,only as express food,we have M'Don.,BurgerKing@more but person who is fat already/and what very sad even have fat kids like here/ never go there bcuz its shame,shown low self-esteem and disrespect no just to yr self but yr kids too,and what true-idleness to cook/food,dish and all what need 4kitchen cost here to much cheaper that in Russia/What i often see in supermarcet-american women/even she is with family/get in the cart no fresh veges,meat,fruit but bunch of boxes and packets with microwave meals,even veges,even mushpotato!/r u kill yr self clean,boil and smush fresh potato?its in 100times healther and delishes…it just looks like lurge national catasrophe So sad!

    14. daniel says:

      i dont eat out anymore cause the workers dont wash their hands after they wipe their dirty butts after they take their nasty craps.

    15. […] right, bust out those fattened thighs and whipped cream pasty skin tones for all to see. Congrats, you’re disgusting! Now, there’s two ways you can take this. One, start working out and not eating only 3 am […]

    16. […] impose ridiculous taxes on its spicy goodness). But when has taco meat turned you on? The smell of Taco Bell used to make my mouth water. However, reading the word “smell” makes me gag. And not in […]

    17. Sheriff Pete says:

      Good job guys. In South Korea there actually used to be a Mickey Ds commercial where the dude was daydreaming about eating a Big Mac WHILE sitting on the crapper.

    18. Sans Testiclees says:

      Natasha, you are wrong, in Soviet Russia, food crap you.

    19. fast foods are of course very popular these days because the price is cheap and there are lots of menu to choose from ..

    20. […] all getting too fat because of dorm room munchies and disgusting chain restaurants that make us scared to fart, but we still can’t help craving fried…well…ANYTHING! The list of foods that […]

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