Punchlines To The 100 Most Offensive Jokes of All-Time

By Edit Posted in News-ish

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Everybody knows a good joke or two. But often times, the joke is so raunchy, so outlandishly offensive, that most people aren’t willing to admit the sick humor made them laugh. But we realized that with the most offensive jokes, all you need to hear is the punch line to get a good chuckle. So here we’ve compiled the 100 best punch lines from the most offensive jokes of all-time. So now, only half of you is going to hell! (That’s how it works, right?)

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(Click punch line to get the full joke!)

1. 1 scoop of ice cream and 2 scoops of dead baby.

2. They both disappear after a hot shower.

3. I don’t ejaculate on an apple before I eat it.

4. A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven!

5. “I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy, and he threw up on me.”

6. You just KNOW she’ll swallow.

7. Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!

8. Their hands makes your d–k look bigger!

9. Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

10. Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

11. The one that’s alive at the bottom trying to eat its way out.

12. Nothing!

13. They fell for that trick once already!

14. Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until after he’s thirteen.

15. None, the beer should be open when SHE brings it!

16. Pretty big word for a 12-year-old.

17. A baby in a microwave!

18. Not being retarded

19. Because the look on its face is priceless!

20. F–k her in the a–, then wipe your d–k on her teddy bear.

21. One walked on the moon, and the other raped little boys!

22. Take a dump in her vagina.

23. Your bike.

24. Dress her up like an altar boy.

25. Cancer!

26. The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out

27. Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

28. A pilot, you racist f–k!

29. Santa goes down the chimney.

30. It allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

31. A Doberman in a playground.

32.  1. A “Thank You” card from the welfare system of her state. 2. A $200 check from “Crimestoppers”.

33. Because I’m stronger than you.

34. Depends how hard you throw them.

35. Maggots!

36. All the ones who can run, jump or swim have already crossed the border.

37. The little boy in the basement of my house!

38. A frog in a blender.

39. An inter-racial abortion!

40. They only had 2 trucks.

41. An Ethiopian eating a cornflake.

42. Sarah Palin gets nailed EVERY DAY

43. Brake her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

44. They go back – but then the Jew sees a penny on the floor, tries to pick it up, and they both die.

45. Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.

46. Wonder what the car was doing in the kitchen.

47. One of the gay guys says, “Ok, who farted!?”

48. Can you put me up for the night?

49. “Out of what?”

50. You would too if your name was Frggndorffngg

51. Take your foot off his head!

52. None! What the f–k are they doing out of the kitchen!?

53. He breaks his nose.

54. They don’t f–king listen!

55. AIDS

56. I guess we don’t watch the same movies.

57. Nail one of its hands to the floor.

58. “Get off me, Daddy! You’re crushing my Marlboros.”

59. The lottery!

60. (Spread arms and look mopey) This much.

61. The 4-year-old in my trunk

62. Sh*t Floats.

63. The dishes, if she knows what’s good for her.

64. A retarded gorilla.

65. Mexicans breed faster and you don’t get so attached to them.

66. “Yeah, that’s what Dad says too.”

67. His dick tasted like sh-t.

68. Getting the blood off your clown suit.

69. He’s too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle.

70. Ice cweem!

71. The grip!

72. It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

73. Give them a basketball.

74. You can’t unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

75. Depends on how hard you throw them.

76. Dog sh-t turns white and stop stinking.

77. They both drip when they’re f**ked.

78. Hearing the ribs crack under the pressure.

79. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

80. God gave him his gas bill.

81. Being raped.

82. He had to sit in the back of the gas chamber.

83. An erection!

84. Rape.

85. “I have Down’s Syndrome.”

86. Connect the Dots.

87. Crib death.

88. Your Dad’s d–k tastes funny.

89. So he stabs her and steals her purse.

90. “Hell mister, give me the whole bag and I’ll come in your mouth!”

91. I don’t know, but it sure could pick a lot of cotton.

92. Too much work for the donkey.

93. Once, two Jews grabbed the same penny…

94. Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

95. A dead puppy.

96. Because I shot it in the face

97. Someone too lazy to steal.

98. A baby in a casserole.

99. How could anyone stoop so low?

100. A homesick abortion.

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