Following the Swine flu epidemic on TV is pretty intense. Way better than Bird Flu, and a contender with the economic recession. Today, I saw a couple people on the New York City streets sporting surgical masks. If this trend continues soon New York is going to look like Mexico. I didn’t want to be left out.
It took me an hour and seven pharmacies to locate a surgical mask. Every single store was sold out. The only reason I obtained one was because a pharmacist gracious gave one of hers. It wasn’t really until then I realized the severity of the Swine Flu. Or, at least, the portrayed severity, seeing as how this outbreak is quite similar to a regular flu season. But still, I rushed home to try on my new contraption, which looks much like a 1930s maxipad.
In front of the mirror, with this stupid sh!t on my face, I felt defeated. I felt like everyone else on the street, panicky, like livestock being corralled – Y2K all over again. My identity was being sucked out to stop the Swine Flu from getting in. I thought, even if this is just media hype, there is no reason to sacrifice fashion for prevention. You still need to keep street cred while warding off the Swine Flu.
Here are a few ideas to keep fashion-conscious during this season’s global pandemic :
Smoking always has, and always will be cool. Plus, you have bigger problems to worry about than lung cancer right now, mainly, leaking bodily fluids out of every orifice of your body. This one is great to get that little bit of stress relief needed in a world gone mad. But wait, throw a straw into that tall boy can for a perfect companion for that cigarette. Buy a used mask off Ebay to get that vintage look. Impress your friend with your rebellious spirit and your mother with your safety, this way she will continue to secretly pay for your apartment.
How to: this is done by cutting a circular hole in the mask and carefully inserting a hand-rolled Bali Swag cigarette.
Just because it is an epidemic doesn’t mean it can’t be sexy. And really, nothing screams out, “I have taste,” more than apparel that shines like the sun, like hoop earrings or rhinestone encrusted t-shirts. This item is particularly going to be popular in Chelsea and Soho. The surgical mask is going to be this summer’s fashion accessory, so why spend all that money on lip gloss when no one is going to see it. Put your money where your mouth is. Splurg on a surgical mask, because a runny nose is gross.
How to: this is done with a sugar daddy.
It started with baseball caps, then Kriss Kross it moved onto an entire outfit, now it is your turn with the surgical mask. Leave your mouth completely uncovered and rock the mask on your cheek. Damn the white man. Gain some respect back by tilting your mask, cuz you don’t give a f**k. Be warned though, tilt to the right signals Crips, a tilt left signals Bloods, so tilt depending upon area. I tried tilting the mask different ways, but tilting up looks like a bonnet and tilting down looks like a bib. Not hard.
How to: this is done by making poor life choices.
Feel free to experiment on your own. These are just mere suggestions. The main idea is to express your individuality just like everyone else. And if the television is right, if the great pestilence is upon us, you better look your best for your repentance. Lets put ‘win’ back in Swine Flu.