The 5 Creepiest Animal Sex Toys

By Edit Posted in Funny, News-ish

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It’s no secret – when it comes to sex in the animal kingdom, people take the cake for kinkiest, most f**ked-up creatures of the whole bunch. In fact, we’re so messed up, we can’t even stick to having sex with the same species, some of the time. Not only that, but sometimes we even have sex with fake animals. But these 5 sex toys have to be the creepiest sex toys that involve animals or animal body parts (this side of Japan, anyway).

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cow

1. Cathy the Mooing Cow

Ok, here’s the story, this inflatable cow sex toy makes a mooing sound when it’s excited. You’ll never drink a glass of milk in the same way again. Comes complete with lube. (You’ll need it…)

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kangaroo

2. The Wallaby

G’day mate, indeed! OK, image if you sexual fetish was to be man-handled by a lovable Australian wallaby. Well, a wallaby dildo would be the perfect substitute for the real thing! One of the selling features, says the site, is that it has a “very prominent ballsack.”

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pig

3. Erotic Blowup Piggie

Is there any other kind of a blowup piggie than an erotic one? The box says its perfect for “backyard bashes.” What a perfect way to relive again, and again, and again, your favorite scene from Deliverance.

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dragon

4. Drippy Dragon

Even stranger than having sex with a simulated animal, is having sex with a simulated mythical creature that shoots an artificial polymer spooge. Not only that, the Drippy Dragon is guaranteed for 25 years and is designed to last—this will be the only Drippy Dragon you will need for life!

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dolphin

5. Dolphin Sex Toy

They say the dolphin is the smartest creature next to man. Well, man is sooooo smart that some of his species actually constructs the sexual organs of the second smartest creature on Earth. You will never watch the movie Flipper in the same way again.

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