Breast Test: How To Tell If She Has Fake Boobs

After posting our 52 Best Natural Breasts of All-Time, much debate erupted over whose lady lumps were real and who’s were more fake than a campaign promise. To some, the difference between real breasts and fake breasts couldn’t be more obvious. But with advances in plastic surgery, it’s getting harder and harder for anyone to tell the difference. Still, a few details exist that can expose which one’s are all-natural and which were made in a factory. So read on and never be fooled again!

Find out How to Tell if She Has Fake Boobs after the jump!

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All you really need to do is touch them to be able to tell if she’s had “some work done.” But let’s be honest, you’re not going to have that opportunity very often and definitely not with most of the chicks you’re checking out. But if you do get to cop a feel, fake breasts will be much more firm than the real thing, almost hard inside. Not such a big deal when they look good, but who wants to play with a couple of balloons filled with crap?

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Breasts, thankfully, come in every shape and size. But real breasts are never perfectly round. If she’s standing upright, most real breasts will be round at the bottom, peak at the nipple and flat on top. But if it looks like she’s smuggling a couple of grapefruits under her sweater at all times, those puppies are fake.

Larger breasts will sag over time, so if she’s sporting double-Ds and they’re holding up her chin without a bra, they’re fake. Smaller breasts, which are less affected by gravity, can maintain a nice round shape, but¬†nobody gets implants smaller than a C-cup (a little more than a handful), so if she’s got B’s or less, count on those being real – and awesome!

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Telling whether or not breasts are fake when they’re tragically stuffed in a bra can be especially difficult, since you don’t get to see their true shape. Which brings us to the Hang. When a girl with real ones bends over or leans forward, they go forward too, away from the body.

If they’re big enough, they should start to look kind of like a water balloon held at the knot, getting more bulbous at the bottom, when looking at them from the front or the side. Fake ones, on the other hand, will get ripples or bumps in the skin toward the bottom of the breasts, created by an unnatural pull on the skin. So if it looks like her ta-tas are about to be ripped off by gravity, she’s trying to fool you.

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When a woman lies on her back, her boobs should change shape. If they look like they’re standing at attention, they’re fake – no question about it. If they’re real, they’ll flatten-out, at least a bit, and sag to the sides, toward her armpits. This one is hard to see in pictures, since most models hold their boobs together to keep this from happening and make them look bigger – and faker – for the photo.

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One of the best ways to tell if her t*ts are fake is to look at the nipples.¬† A number of things can go awry with these little pleasure buttons. (COED’s a SFW site, so you won’t see many of those here – sorry…) First, if her nipples aren’t symmetrically placed on the boobs, there’s a good chance the boobs are fake; unaltered nips grow more or less in the same spot on both breasts not like this: (*)(.) And of course, if the nipples are constantly harder than diamonds, the boobs probably cost as much as one.

Also, implants are often inserted through a lesion around the nipple, so if she’s got a scar here (or in the armpit, around the bottom of the breasts or even the near the belly button), then the mystery is probably solved. However, some women who’ve had lumps removed from their breasts for medical reasons can have a similar scar, so you better give those bad boys a feel, just to be sure.

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Real breasts move. They jiggle and sway and swing. And we love every single second of it. Fake boobs, on the other hand, don’t do a damn thing. Unfortunately, you can’t tell how a set of knockers knock just by looking at (most) pictures. So this doesn’t do you any good there.

But if you can see the lady in question in action, watch for what the breasts do during any quick movements. If she’s kept what her momma gave ‘er, then they should heave, change shape and yes, bounce. If they don’t, they’re fake. But in the end, boobs are boobs and, fake or not, we’re always happy to have a pair around.

So that pretty much sums it up. But here’s a couple more tidbits to keep in mind: Real boobs change size all the time, depending on the time of the month, hormones, diet, health, weight, etc…So just because they look small one day and big the next doesn’t mean she got a boob-job – she might just be getting a ‘visit from Aunt Flo.

Also, women with implants often cannot breastfeed, so if you think Angleina Jolie has fake ones, you are (thankfully) mistaken. And because of a loss in body fat (which breast partly are) women who are extremely athletic rarely have big ones unless, of course, they’re not real. So memorize these few perameters (and the ones above) and you’ll be able to spot a fake pair from a mile away.

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    1. Phil says:

      Good thing my gf's boobs are real ;)

    2. Joe says:

      I want my five minutes back.

    3. cort says:

      Actually women with implants can breastfeed if the implants were done correctly by a skilled surgeon. It doesn't always work but it is a possibility. Just thought I'd clear that up.

    4. Richard says:

      Women with implants can breast feed, ala Christina Aguilera.

    5. becks says:

      Just thought I'd say that fake boobs aren't that bad until they ripple on the side…that's the worst. I thought about getting them until I saw that happen in porno. It looks nasty. Also, here's a tip girls, once I started taking birth control pills I went up almost a cup size so try that before surgery.

      Question, based on the roundness rule, would y'all say that Lindsay Lohan has had implants? I thought they were real but now I don't know.

    6. bill says:

      52 greatest all natural breasts, and Carmen from is not on the list? You need to seek immediate medical attention, Carmen's rack puts most on your list to shame

    7. Just Jen says:

      It's breast *reduction* surgery that is likely to affect the baby-feeding functionality of breasts. Implants are perfectly compatible with breastfeeding.

    8. Timmer says:

      I prefer the taste test.

    9. kate says:

      I call bullshit.
      I have fake boob and have had people see and feel them and still ask if they are real or not.
      theres a huge difference depending on what size and shape the implant is and if its placed above or under the chest wall.

    10. jrdn says:

      meh my gf has fake boobs, but i dont care.. they look good and theyre still fun to suck on ;D

    11. g says:

      I want my five minutes back as well, I personally don't like fake boobs but then again they got some pros and some cons

    12. you idiots says:

      you guys are over complicating things, the fake/real breast test only requires answering one question:

      can you touch them?

      if so, they are real…

    13. DC says:

      It's easy to spot fake t*ts a mile away. frankly, girls, PLEASE stop getting these. I'd rather have a SECURE, CONFIDENT woman with A cups over an insecure woman who thinks DDs that feel like those red kickballs we used to play with in school are even remotely attractive. Note to women: THEY LOOK BAD. Honestly, I wonder what glasses these girls are looking through when they think they look better with bolt-ons. YOU DON'T. We can tell and they're unattractive to say the least.

    14. Paradym says:

      Hey DC:

      While I completely understand your proclamations, I would caution you against being so adamant. Consider women who have had injury or surgery, or whose breasts are so asymetrical or saggy that their self-esteem is fighting an uphill battle. Breast enhancement can help them feel whole and confident again. For good or bad, a woman's breasts are a symbol of their femininity and out there for all to see, so it can really tear a person down if they're really self-conscious about them.

      If men's penises where as visible and on display as breasts, I bet there would be quite the waiting list for penis enhancement surgery. You may dismiss a woman because she got a boob job, but consider that you may have dismissed an incredible person.

    15. DC says:

      Paradigm, I certainly wasn't directing my comments at women who've NEEDED implants for reasons such as cancer surgery, etc. I'm talking about the rest. To me, it's a red flag. Sorry.

    16. DL says:

      One other way –


      most chicks are proud of their fake tits. The others will just think you're cocky and laugh.

      If they answer in the affirmative, ask if you can check them out, directly. I've even said "hey let me see the scars." Once again, the chicks are proud of them. Take it from me, it works more often than you think, and if you have known them at all (say, more than a week) I'd say chances are good you'll get a flash.

    17. simisola says:

      Are you kidding me? Listen. If she lies down and her "breasts" sit on her chest like a couple of grapefruit halves sewn under her skin, they're fake. Seriously. That's all there is to it.

    18. Drew says:

      Fake Boobs are disgusting, and obnoxious…and more often than not, valued by shallow women whose self-esteem can only be boosted if cave-men are gawking at them. Looking at them is like looking at a circus side-show…it's freakish.

    19. kev says:

      Real or Fake as long as thier not ome kinda 56 FFFF or something like that then just lay back and enjoy

    20. Lauren says:

      Personally, I think being "all natural" is the way to go. However, its a tough business in modeling and acting, so a lot of girls feel they need to or have to get enhancement/surgery to make it in the business. Not all natural boobs are perfect like you see in the photos online or in magazines. That's why some women need the "boost."

      There is a lot of pressure on women to look perfect and with more women getting breast implants (and getting them to look almost flawless), men actually see more implants than real breasts and expect "flawless" look with other women!

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