5 Things Rachel Maddow Should Consider to Conceal Her Adam’s Apple

Don’t get us wrong – we really like Rachel Maddow. Her analysis is tempered and even-handed. All in all, she’s a refreshing voice in a grimy mud puddle of political blather. But she has got to do something about her freakin’ wardrobe.

For some poor reason, they’ve decided to box her in a long-necked, wide coat that makes her appear she completely naked under her blazer – and not in a good way. On top of that, it looks as though she has a giant f**king Adam’s apple. We can’t help you with the blazer, but we’ve come up with a few ways she can divert attention from that nugget in her throat.

1. Graphics, Graphics, Graphics
Twenty-four-hour news channels love graphics. It’s their new best friend next to idiotic politicians. Since they’ve already got a giant bar of crap at the bottom of that screen, why not just pull it up a bit? Not only will that solve the whole man-neck problem, it’ll be good for the seeing-impaired.

2. Giant Button
Ok, this one might not seem like much of a solution, but for most of the population, flashing lights and arrows on a giant button pretty much guarantee drawing interest away from her “Facts of Life” Geri Jewel-neck. Believe us, if you don’t like this option, they just get more drastic from here…

3. Neutered Dog Cone
This giant contraption isn’t just for hiding the man-buldge. Not only does it divert attention to anything but the humongous neck cone she’s wearing, we’re pretty sure you could turn this thing into one of those cool see-through tele-prompters. She’d be like a walking news studio.

4. Smoking Cowboy
Here’s what Rachel needs to do: First, start smoking, a lot. Like, nine packs per day.   Maybe she can just get an oxygen tank filled with tobacco smoke and just wheel it around. Once her throat is so rocked from the constant barrage of smoke, she’ll have no choice but to get a sweet cowboy tracheotomy. And we promise, nobody’s going to be paying attention to her Adam’s apple then.

5. Elizabethan Neck-Poof Thing
Back in the day – way back in the day – these things were a huge and didn’t look ridiculous at all. If our predictions are correct, this outfit is going to come back in a big way. The runways are going to be full of them. And she’ll be leading the trend. Either that, or she could just start dressing like a woman and we wouldn’t have to have this discussion.



  1. bowlwoman says:

    Too bad that’s an Elizabethan neck poof-thing and not Victorian…or maybe we should call it a “fleurchon?”

  2. Terry says:

    "Her analysis is tempered and even-handed. All in all, she’s a refreshing voice in a grimy mud puddle of political blather."
    Are you serious? This is bordering on the most ridiculous thing ever said. Tempered? Even-handed? She spews rhetoric every time her mouth opens and you can visibly see the hate for every "non-educated, narrow-minded, simpleton" in her eyes.

  3. TK says:

    I was wondering when it became a negative to be "educated." I mean, isn't that the aim? Isn't that what we all want to be? When did it become acceptable to revel in not being educated?

    Does she lean left? Definitely. But to make fun of her for being educated. Come on.

  4. Gleek says:

    If she has a MALE anatomical feature like an adam's apple, she mae be a he-she (hermaphrodite). I bet she has both male and female sex organs.

  5. Noel Roberts says:

    Quote from this article's author:

    "For some poor reason, they’ve decided to box her in a long-necked, wide coat that makes her appear she completely naked under her blazer – and not in a good way."

    What in the world do you mean by, "not in a good way?" – She's a woman and is kinda cute, and I'm sure has smooth skin/nice breasts under there. So what's not good about that???

    Ha! Well,You must be attracted to men, whatever gender/preference you are/have:) That's fine, but as a straight man, I think her wordrobe choice is cool! I like looking at her completely unadorned and plunging neckline;) – As you have said it makes me also think about her being naked under the coat, but that is a pleasureable thought to me – and in a good way.

    If she wasn't always wearing the blouse underneath that you can see towards the bottom of of the v shaped neckline it would be even more sexy.

    Who cares about her small Adams Apple, my college Biology studies say that it is commom in a small percentage of females – so what & who cares really? When a woman's dress can make you think about her "being completely naked under her blazer" and at the same time not be at all revealing and in this case just showing some skin on her neck & chest in a low neckline – that is a classy woman. A little bit of skin showing on a female goes a long way in coveying her attractiveness and does so in a professional manner. ;)

    I hope she continues to wear these blazers with the plunging neckline, and hopefully will forget to wear a blouse underneath sometime!

    Also, I didn't even really notice the adams apple till you brought it up as I wasn't even thinking about that after I was trying to see how far down the "V" neckline goes(under all the damn graphics) and if she was indeed wearing a blouse.

    BTW- Doesn't Jane Spinner on Fox mornings wear similar stuff but not show quite as much skin?? -she's awesome too.


  6. Noel Roberts says:

    You know,.. I've only caught her show a few times and am not a fan, but your quite a superficial, judgemental and mean person to be saying all this stuff about her. I don't find your five suggestions funny either. I don't look for flaws in people, and think I'm better than everyone. I was too preoccupied with thinking about what she's done to make herself attractive to msnbc viewers. I'm sure she looks better than your arrogant mug.

    later man..

  7. […] No-Fee ATMs 87. Rachel Maddow: Because Keith Olbermann is really getting on our nerves these days. […]

  8. Dick Stone says:

    I find Rachel to be the finest commentator on TV or radio. Though she covers much of the same territory as most news/talk shows, she always seems to find the actual truth of the tale rather then the hyperbole.

    For the record: Rachel has said she would prefer to wear a t-shirt, jeans and her black rimmed glasses but concedes to the dull jacket as a way of taking her look out of the conversation. Judging by this article she may as well go with her personal style and drop the jacket. With children like you guys lasering in on any imperfection —- f'ing hilarious, Elizabethan Neck-Poof Thing!!!!

  9. Taylor says:

    I am not exaggerating when I say you are probably the most retarded person on the planet. I AM NOT KIDDING.

    Rachel is perfect. She is everything that a perfect human being is. She is like Heaven sent down to our computer screens. She is an Angel that takes your breath away. Type in "perfect" into google and click on images, and her face is the first to show up. No skeletal, big-jugged supermodel has anything on her cuz she kicks all of their asses with her perfect dimensions and proportions. Her sexy boyish side makes you want to explode from lustful desire. Her adorable grin makes you unconsciously stick your hands down your pants during the news. She is the reason my crotch tingles anytime I hear the words "top story." And I love her Adam's apple. I would suck on her Adam's apple and any other part of her body she asked me to all day long, til my tongue and lips and cheeks were numb from sheer happiness.

    So if you can't see that, little retarded pal, you deserve to be euthanized.

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