3 Signs Your Girlfriend is Bat-Sh*t Crazy

Everyone knows someone who dated a crazy person, and many of us have actually done the dating. Every crazy displays a few warning signs; some are subtle and take specific situations to provoke, others are painted neon orange and come equipped with a very loud alarm; they can’t be missed, but some of us try to ignore them anyway.

This article is dedicated to a few of these oh-so-obvious insanities that I or my friends have encountered, or are currently putting up with. All of them involve too much drinking (probably not a surprise for many), so I guess that might also be a pretty good indicator of mental instability. Please enjoy my crazy people stories.

Check out 3 Signs Your GF is Bat-Sh*t Crazy after the jump!

1) You used a sleeper hold on your girlfriend?

About a week ago my friend put his girlfriend to sleep with a wrestling move; let’s call the happy couple John and Mary. I didn’t get to witness it firsthand, but I heard about five different versions of the events and these are the consistencies from each.

There was a lot of drinking involved; the event occurred at an after-bar party. Someone called Mary a whore, and said they hated her. John didn’t try to get in a fight over the insult; what Mary wanted him to do, so she broke a beer bottle and started brandishing the pointy end at anyone who got too close. A reasonable response. After a couple failed attempts of talking her down, and almost getting stabbed himself, John put her to sleep and locked her in her room. The next morning she woke up, joked about the whole incident, and pretended nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

She tried to stab people!?! If knocking a person out with a submission move is the only way to make them not stab someone, you’re probably dealing with a crazy person. Also, if your solution to a problem involves knocking someone out with a submission move you might be a crazy person. Needless to say these two are still together. That whole relationship is f**ked.

2) She walked how far in a nightie?

This story is about a good looking young couple named Mike and Jan. Jan likes to drink vodka, and she used to do so about eight or nine nights a week. Mike didn’t like how much she drank, but devoutly took care of her when she had too much, got sick and needed to be put to bed.

On one such night Mike decided that he didn’t want to spend the night at Jan’s after she passed out; he had to work the next day, or was getting up early to study, or something; so he went home and went to bed. This was around 2 a.m.

At 3:30 a.m. he heard a knock at his door. At some point in time after Mike left, Jan woke up, or came to and found herself alone in bed. This made her mad because Mike had promised to spend the night, so she went over to Mike’s house to yell at him. That right there sounds a little crazy to me.

Mike answered his door and found Jan standing in front of him dressed in her underwear (he had undressed her before he put her to bed) and a sheer bathrobe (it must have been a little chilly). Jan also walked the two miles to Mike’s house barefoot. Who needs shoes at three in the morning?

I’m not exactly sure what was said during the ensuing fight, but to make a long story short everyone’s happy Mike broke up with Jan.

3) You want me to do what while you’re unconscious?

This is a story about me and a girl I’m going to call Alice. It starts off similar to my story about Mike and Jan, but it is a very different tale.

Alice, much like Jan, loved to party and after a really fun night of bar hopping we ended up back at her place where she promptly passed out on the living room couch. I carried her to her bedroom, undressed her and put her to bed. This is where the similarities with Mike’s story ends. I stayed the night at Alice’s; I got undressed, got into bed with her, cuddled up and went to sleep.

In the morning Alice woke up, and asked me what happened after we got back to her place the night before. I told her, and she looked at me and asked, “Did we have sex?”

“No. You passed out so I went to sleep,” I responded.

“Oh. Well next time I pass out you can have sex with me if you want. I’ll probably wake up.”


“Yeah, if you want to have sex just do it.”

Alice wasn’t joking either. She was a very literal person and wouldn’t have found something like that funny. I mean what she said shouldn’t be funny anyway, but it is, in that really messed up unhealthy kind of way. I have no idea why she thought that was an ok thing to do, or if anyone had ever taken her up on the offer. I was too disturbed by the whole exchange to ask any more questions.

And just to be clear I never did the whole unconscious sex thing. We dated for a few more weeks, but that morning was the beginning of the end. It seemed too much like a rape setup for my tastes. Some people may be into that sort of thing, but it just doesn’t do it for me.



  1. ryan says:

    I too have some interesting crazy stories. A lot of guys will call their ex-girlfriends crazies, and most of the time all that follows that expression is a roll of the eyes and the conversation turns to 'so how about that local sports team'. But reading the stories, it makes me feel comfort that there are others out there like me.

    Lets call our couple Brian and Rhianna (to protect the innocent), Rhianna has a 8am class, and leaves Brian's apt. to attend said class, Ryan has class at 9am, and leaves for his class later. Rhianna calls Brian for his apt. keys because she forgot hers in his apt. Fair enough. In the middle of Brian's 9am class, his phone vibrates indicating that there is a message. Upon completion of his class, Brian checks his messages only to hear a screaming lunatic on the other end, commenting something about porn and liar.

    Upon picking up his own keys at his soon to be ex's house, from her room mates cause she won't talk to him, arrives to his apt. door only to hear his recently downloaded porn blaring and on repeat on his computer stereo. The apartment was in upheaval, the mattress flipped, clothes pulled out of the closet, paper signs reading – liar, pervert, asshole all over the walls. (disclaimer – regular porn – no child pornography here). Not a week earlier Rhianna asked Brian if he still watched porn, and he told an allowable white lie stating 'no' for he knew this type of reaction might take place.

    So, porn found on b/f's computer, on repeat, blarring loud (neighbours must of loved it), and an apartment full of creative signs, ripped up pictures, and every personal belonging strewed about the place.

    Thats just ONE crazy story.

    I'm glad for Brian that he's not the only one….

  2. Arden says:

    Hey Ryan, you seem to think that watching porn and lying about it to your girlfriend is perfectly normal and that they shouldn't dare get pissed over it. If thats the case, I think you're the one who's pretty much on the delusional side.

    Although the reaction of Brian's gf was rather extreme, LYING to your bf or gf, especially about porn is definitely something most people would consider intolerable and yes, quite perverted.

    The fact that its "regular porn" doesn't justify ANYTHING. He had a girlfriend, and not only did he watch porn, this bastard lied to her about it.
    Give me a break. I sincerely hope any girls that date that low class sicko learn what a moron he is and quickly dump him, he really sounds a douchebag.

  3. dave says:

    for watching porn? hahahahaha…..

    what a joke. Who cares that he watched it. He lied, fine, but was he watching it all the time? Not some kind of sicko… sounds like a typical university student to me.

    I think someones missing the point. The lie was bad – yes – but the reaction? A little out of control

  4. RaraAvis says:

    I think Rhianna's reaction was proportionate to how she felt about both the lie and the porn. Some people have strong feelings about porn. Go figure. Who knows what past events triggered her response? Must be something there, though…

  5. Rachel says:

    yeaaaaah, i'm gonna have to go with dave on this one.

    yes lying to your boyfriend/girlfriend is wrong, but how many guy are gonna actually come out and be like, "Oh, hey baby. I watch porn, loads of it actually."

    if the worst problem you have in a relationship is the fact that your boyfriend watches porn, you have it easy.

  6. Dunny says:

    The porn ? Normal & healthy, as far as I am concerned.
    The lying ? Big no – no. Early on I adopted a "no lying to the ladies" policy.
    "Do you like this skirt ?" "No, it looks like Helen Keller ran it up."
    "Have I put on weight ?" "Yes, look – you can hardly breathe in those jeans."
    "Do you like my parents ?" "No, your mother is an interfering old bag & your father makes Hitler look like a moderate."
    Many, many females have been reduced to floods of tears by the honesty but as a tool for exposing the ones with mental problems it has never failed, & I sleep soundly at night.
    Do not have sex with the mental cases. We don't need any more of that genetic material entering the gene pool, we are in enough trouble as it is.

  7. ikaruga says:

    To you guys that think watching porn is normal. Do you have girlfriends? If not, then maybe that's why…
    Or if so, are they bats@t crazy? I rest my case…

  8. Claire says:

    Porn? Normal. Fibbing about watching porn? I would argue that's pretty normal because most people masturbate somehow but socially it's still taboo. He lied about the porn to protect himself from the reaction the girl might have had. Understandable. If they'd dated longer and ended up liking each other I think a normal girl could have forgiven the porn. Besides, if they started having sex regularly he might not want the porn anymore. Or they could have watched it together. A doubly good time.

    Her asking for the apartment keys then turning the place upside down and destroying any remnants of privacy he might have had? Bat-Shit Crazy.

  9. faqu says:

    so anyways, after reading all these other girls' comments, i laughed. if your boyfriend is watching porn, dont f^ck!ng ask him.. he probably only does it every once in a blue moon. if he watches it enough to where you notice and start to feel insecure.. dump the guy. no woman needs that, but that story about her first of all, going through his computer LOOKING for it, and second finding it and trashing the place he trusted her to enter only to get her key and leave.. batsh!t crazy. you girls are all crazy if you htink that watching porn is all that nig a deal. i dont watch porn, but i do like to have a little fun every once in a while when i dont get a chance to be with my squeeze for a while..
    just because guys are usually repugnant in thier fiendish ways, doesnt mean they cant be given the same right. you have to just be crazy and nosy and the worst girlfriend ever to do all that. i would never admit to rob that i touch myself by the way, well, unless he asked. but he wouldnt, because thats my business.

  10. kitten says:

    i'm a girl myself, i watch porn everyday and I'd love to have a partner so we could share that activity, too. I think girls should understand that watching pornography, fantazising with other people, etc, doesn't mean you actually have feelings for those people. It's just a physical and pleasureable thing, period. And it's also a wonderful thing to share with your partner too, because it helps improving communication and intimacy.

    (sorry for my bad English, Spanish is my main language)

  11. blondeygirl says:

    i agree with kitten.
    I really dont think that that kind of reaction was needed! psycho.
    plus, what was she doing looking through his computer?!?
    i would never do that to my guy, thats his business, its his private space! and if anyone started looking through my comuters, well, jesus, thatd be the end! cos obviously there no trust there when u need to snoop thru other peoples stuff!

  12. Laura says:

    My boyfriend watches porn occasionally, we just don't really talk about it. He doesn't watch it when he's with me, which is pretty often, so if he wants to watch it when I'm not there, who cares.

    I have a friend whose boyfriend watches porn a lot. Every day. And they live together. So while she's cooking dinner, he's watching porn. That's a little much to me. But guys who watch porn once in awhile to enjoy themselves and relieve a little stress, probably a healthy thing.

  13. jeffro says:

    To all the ladies who completely understand her reaction…

    What is your opinion on her breaking into his computer, disturbing the peace, vandalizing his apartment, and invading his privacy? Or is that all OK because she got her feelings hurt?

  14. Amazed at the Scene says:

    I'm really amazed. Never though most people could harbour such a feeling against porn… what's the problem here? We're all physical beings. I have a very stable relationship, and while my girl doesn't give me a pat on the back everytime I watch an adult movie, she appreciates me being a man. Women who want their men castrated are in denial and are lunatics, and will land into a similar nutcase, without the nuts.

    Everyone should watch porn, male of female. Sexual liberty is the key thing here. Any sign that you're not comfy about sexuality is usually the first sign of perversion, and it begins deep. I'm really amazed at the human mind. Really.

  15. Nic Stage says:

    All of these stories start out with, "After a lot of drinking…". These aren't stories about uniquely crazy women, they are stories about typical drunken idiots.

  16. s says:

    men are too easily blinded by beauty. if they actually paid attention to what the girl's personality is like maybe they would have known better before they got in too deep. thought i suppose women do the same sometimes but i think more often men are too concerned with physical appearance.

    as for the porn thing unless she was some religious freak i have to agree the reaction was too much. the lie was wrong and they should have discussed the issue to avoid a bad reaction. as a girl i watch porn when my bf isn't around and ive thought about watching it with him but he doesn't seem that interested in porn. go figure, normally it's the other way around. however if it was something perverted i might have a very bad reaction, depending on what it is.

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