Like an idiot, I decided to go see the first showing of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at 12:01AM this morning.
Last time I saw a 12:01AM showing was the opening of Cloverfield, and it was great. The theater was packed, people were hyped…I even bought $6 popcorn. So I expected great things for the release of Indiana Jones, but come show-time I was only one of nine other people in the massive amphitheater.
Overall fan excitement aside, the movie felt like a generic and tired version of the past three Indy flicks, but more lame. The blatant overuse of CGI makes the movie look airbrushed. Shia Leboeuf plays a unconvincing and fruity 50’s greaser. And it hurts me to say, but 65-year-old Harrison Ford can’t make action movies work anymore.
In the (merciful) finale, the crystal alien skull is placed inside an ancient Inca temple. The temple turns into an alien spacecraft and Kate Blanchett spontaneously combusted. The end!
Steven Spielberg, I want a refund!
Honestly, I had trouble staying awake during this one, so I’d suggest you go out and rent Raiders of the Lost Ark, and pretend this franchise didn’t just go down in flames.