Masturbating for Money

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sperm donation Guys in college are always looking for ways to make a quick buck. Unfortunately, balancing a part time job with classes and studying while maintaining a social life is not only difficult, but nearly impossible. What to do?

Fortunately, there are ways to avoid a long commute to employment. One can always make money on campus by running a gambling ring, or subjecting themselves to shock therapy as part of some professor’s experiment…or not.

There’s an easier and more fun way to make money, and all you need is your right hand man – your right hand. That’s right, gentlemen: sperm donation.

Perfect for college students needing some extra cash, sperm donation typically takes 15 minutes and pays by the sample. In other words, the more you wank is more money in the bank. The steps needed to donate sperm aren’t rigorous, but they do require some responsibility. If you figured waltzing into a sperm bank ready to jack it is all you need to do, you’re sorely mistaken.

First, consult your doctor and get all the information you seek, from the location of sperm banks nearby to the criteria you must meet. Talking to your doc will ensure that your sperm will not be handled by some sketchy sperm bank not licensed by the state.

Of course, being disease free is a requirement if you’re planning on donating your goods. But what most people don’t realize is that most sperm banks want a healthy male between 18 – 34 years of age who stands at 5’11” with at least a high school diploma. In other words, if you’re a stocky slob with no life motivation (outside of rubbing one out for cash) the sperm academy won’t accept your offer.

If, in fact, you have been approved by the powers that be, it’s time to masturbate…three times before the final approval! They’ll be looking for the overall health and count of your sperm, so be on your best sexual behavior, as you should be outside of any testing.

Now, you’re almost ready to eject and collect! The final steps include supplying the bank with your family’s medical history and taking a full medical exam. I know, I know, it sounds like a lot – but if you were on the other side of the spectrum (read: a hopeful parent), I’m sure you would be relieved with all the precautions. And all your hard work comes with a fair price: if your sperm is up to snuff, you could collect anywhere from $45 to $200 a week donating it for up to 3 years!

There are couples out there that can’t conceive the old fashioned way, but thanks to your sperm you can provide them with that bundle of joy…and be the proud father! If that last part is horrifying, don’t worry – the contract you sign beforehand states that you have no legal responsibility towards any child created from your sperm. No babymamadrama here, folks.

Finally, you can use your porn collection as a tax-write off – after all, you need it for your job. (I don’t know if that last part is true but it’s worth a try!)

For a more detailed account of the steps needed to donate sperm, check out SoYouWanna.com’s excellent how-to guide.

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