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Cocaine Nose Repair – An Enabler?

If there was any drug in the entire world that doesn’t need a medical breakthrough to fix the side-effects it’s cocaine, the drug of denial. Crack and heroin may be worse, but cocaine is considered classy and cool, unfortunately.

Cocaine is only for douchebag losers who can’t get laid without packing dust into a teenager’s nasal passage – or for idiot young-adults who think they’re “in control,” which is hard to determine when their nose and body could be blown away by a slight wind.

Don’t even get me started on a cokehead’s total lack of social skills (read: SHUT THE F*** UP AND STOP BEING SO TWITCHY AND JITTERY).

But there’s hope for the hopeless: Plastic surgeons have decided to ditch the wonders of boobie-building for far more important endeavors, like fixing some young slut’s “cocaine nose” (the disintegration of the septum due to excessive drug-snorting).

For every person who would actually need Nasal Septal Perforation surgery to aid their livelihood there are a baker’s dozen worth of powder-sniffers who will use it to place a band-aid on an addiction – and have that warm, fuzzy feeling of accomplishment.

Why rehabilitate yourself (I refuse to call it “going to rehab,” as that buzz-phrase is now more for style than actually bettering yourself) when you can cough up a few thousand and “fix it”? Marketing a surgery on the premise of fixing cocaine nose is very irresponsible, let alone an ugly gateway to a positive outlook on drugs for young, impressionable people today.

The problem is not your nose – it’s your drug problem that’s the problem. Don’t snort coke and you won’t find your nose looking like Jackos. Don’t eat so much and you won’t have to staple your stomach (this, of course, does not apply to serious medical conditions not able to be helped).

Life isn’t that hard, drama queens – be responsible and you won’t die young.

  • John - USMACOED Writer