Letâs face it. In order to be a female musician, itâs a prerequisite nowadays to be considered hot. Unlike the guys, who can get away with looking like this or this and gorgeous girls will still screw them, women are a completely different story. Itâs just the way things go.
So, with all of the ladies putting countless records out, who is the hottest? And what makes a âhotâ? female singer? There are dozens of lists of opinions; everybodyâs got one. I happened to stumble upon one that caught my eye, if for no other reason than Madonna isnât on it for once (I donât care how âin shapeâ? she is, people – she looks like hell. Eat a hot dog, woman).
Rule #1 (The Madonna Rule): This list is based on recent hotness. It doesnât matter how hot an artist was back in the â80s. Itâs 2007. What have you done for us lately?
Rule #2 (The Hayden Panettiere Rule): To qualify for this list, an artist must be over 18 years of age. We only objectify of-age women here.
Rule #3 (The Newcomer Rule): Each artist must have released at least one full-length album prior to August 1st, 2007 in order to qualify.
Rule #4 (The Pseudo-Musician Rule): Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are disqualified for obvious reasons.
Rule #5 (The Ashlee Simpson Rule): A woman can move up a few spots based on talent and/or personality. However, they cannot be hurt by lack of talent. Just like in real life.
Rule #6 (The Anastacia Rule): A prolonged absence from the musical spotlight can bring an artist down several notches. This is, after all, a list of the hottest women in music, so itâs only appropriate that they stay active in music.
Rule #7 (The Dixie Chicks Rule): For a group, the ranking will be determined by averaging the hotness of all members.
There are a couple refreshing choices (add in Cat Power and Leslie Feist, throw out Paris and Lohan) boring, obvious choices (J Lo, Beyonce) and âReally? There are people out there who think sheâs HOT?â? choices (Avril Lavigne, Posh Spice). But it all comes down to #1 – Jessica Simpson – who, even after her recent bad breakups and bad movies and bad records and bad press can still top yet another list of hot girls in music, because, wellâ¦..music ainât about what it used to be about. Just like the Ashlee Simpson Rule says, âthey cannot be hurt by lack of talent. Just like in real life.â?
So true. Otherwise, the woman who did that would never make a list like this.